Dork 2 Recless driving
by Usagi-Zakura
Summary: Parody of Jak2 renegade. How Jak2 would have been if all inhabitants of Haven City were idiots and all the metalheads were females. Contains spoilers for Jak2
1. One weird new world

**Chapter one's been rewritten, because of some reason don't like scripts... **

**It's still pretty much the same just written in a different way so if you've read this before you can just skip forward to the spot where you left of and continue reading.**

**Zakura: hey wait up! can I say something?**

**Ms:Ecofreak: as long as you don't say anything stupid.**

**Zakura:... dude, the entire story is stupid**

**Ms.Ecofreak: you're right, just say what you want to say**

**Zakura: thanks, erhem! I just wanted to say that my stepmother does not own Jak and Daxter or any related characters, they are all trademarks of Sony Computer Entertainment and Naughty Dog. MissEcofreak owns Well...ehm...eh, some random guards, another random dude, and Cornelius, who appears only briefly.  
She hopes you like her story and asks you to rewiev please:)**

* * *

Samos: For every age there is a time of trial

I mean winter man! It's so damn cold!

Though there are bigger dangers

The rocks faced such a fire before they became grey, dull and lying on the ground.

The plant braved wast winds before they were blown away

As a really old annoying guy, I have only seen one such... thingy.

Yet the hore... I mean the hero it created, kicked ass though he had an irritating ottsel on his left shoulder.

**CHAPTER ONE 1**

**ONE WEIRD NEW WORLD**

It was a nice Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday morning in Sandover Village.

Jak, Daxter, Keira and Samos spent the day looking at some precursor thingy they found in the last game.

Samos and Keira were both wearing their new t-shirts.

Samos' t-shirt had a text on it saying "Mar is the coolest" and Keira's t-shirt-text said "Jak is sexy" but it doesn't matter, t-shirts are not relevant to the story.

"Today's the big day Jak", said Samos the sage. "I hope you are prepared to be sucked into this rift-ring and sent hundreds of years into the future"

Jak didn't answer, no wonder cause he's a mute, another reason was that he didn't pay attention to what the sage was saying, he was to busy planning what pizza he was going to buy after this adventure.

Keira, as the know-it-all she was opened her mouth and sound started to come out of it, in other words she was doing what Jak was known to not do, talking. This is what she said: "I think I've figured out most of this machine, thanks to my huge intelligence! And of course this book helped a lot", she showed a book to her family and friends, the book was called "Riftrider Instructions booklet"

"I just hope this dork didn't break anything moving it here to the lab".

She was referring to Jak's friend, an ottsel called Daxter.

"Did you just call me a idiot?" Daxter said sounding offended (gee, wonder why?)

"Of course not, idiot. I said Dork" said Keira.

Daxter accepted that, after all, he hated being called idiot, who doesn't?

"Fine" he said, "but if you know so much about the thingy, why does it say "Rob and Amy?"

And sure enough, the words "Rob and Amy" were written on it with large precursor letters.

Then Jak, just to be helpful, said "".

"Stop nagging Jak! Man you're noisy!" Samos said.

Jak just looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"Why don't you just press that large red button, I've got a feeling it will start the machine" Samos said.

Jak pressed the large button which said "Start" in precursor letters and suddenly the large ring the author forgot to mention started glowing.

Suddenly large bat-like creatures flew out, quickly followed by a pink rabbit with a greenish yellow gem on its head.

A scary Kor-like voice was heard from inside the rift-ring, "finally! The last rift-gate has been opened!" it said (who is Kor? You might ask… well, good question)

"Who said that?" Daxter asked.

"Not me for sure, I'm a mute" said the most unlikely of characters.

Daxter looked at Jak with a puzzled expression.

Suddenly a Kor-like creature flew out of the ring. "YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM ME BOY!" it shouted.

Jak hid behind the seat.

"Okay, so maybe you can hide from me" the Kor-like creature said, sounding very disappointed he wasn't able to kill Jak right then and there to prevent Jak from killing him later on.

"DO SOMETHING JAK!" shouted the girl who was very much likely to be in love with Jak because she's the only girl in this chapter, Samos' daughter and the fact that Daxter is an idiot.

But Jak, as the coward everyone knows he's not, just stayed there behind the seat.

"Stop making all that noise and do something!" Keira cried to the silent Jak.

"" Jak answered.

"I don't care! Just save my life or I'll die!" Keira cried.

That was something even Jak couldn't risk, he pressed the start button again and the rift rider got sucked into the rift ring (through the monster… how weird that may sound)

Daxter cried like a scared ottsel, "I want of this thing!" he cried and jumped of.

_Oh man, no I'll probably have to fetch him_ Jak thought, and jumped after his jumpy friend.

"Bye Jak" Samos shouted as the two friends disappeared into the great nothing… or Haven City if that's what you like to call it.

Daxter crashed down on the hard street while Jak, the lucky pig, landed on some civilian guy.

"Ouch! That hurts!" said the civilian guy, whose name was Civilian Guy.

"That was painful" said Daxter.

Jak looked around; random elves were running around in random direction wearing random t-shirts with random texts on them.

"Do you even know how to shout up?" Daxter asked his friend.

Suddenly an important character who was thought to be dead after Jak2 came walking along with some guards.

"There he is, move in" the character said, and then he looked down and noticed Daxter, "AAAH! RATS!" he cried.

Daxter, who was dead scared of rats, looked around frightened, "rats? Where? Don't let them get me!" he said, and with that he took of and ran in a random direction.

_Where was Daxter going?_ Jak was thinking. _Oh! I know! He was probably going to buy a pizza! _He smiled at the thought of getting a pizza.

"Forget the scary rat, Fatty wants him!" the important character said.

Jak, as the big hero he is, fainted…

"That was easier than I thought" the important character said smiling.


	2. The adventure in Praxis' prison cell

**MissEcofreak: Here comes a fluffy little tale about how Jak and Daxter escaped from prison**

**Zakura: Fluffy my tail

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**

**CHAPTER 2**

**THE ADVENTURE IN BARON PRAXIS' CELL **

Two years and four minutes later, Jak was stuck in baron Praxis' prison cell.

Currently he was in the torture chamber being pumped full of Dark Eco.

"Dark eco injections complete, nothing of interest happened" a bored computer voice announced.

"Boring, he's just making a lot of noise", said Baron Praxis.

The important character introduced in the last chapter was there with him, he had a name too! His name was Erol.

"I don't think your dark warrior-program is working Fatty!" he said casually, he had been saying the same line once a day the last two years.

"Nah, let's just kill him after lunch" baron Praxis said, sounding just as bored as the computer.

Jak fainted, he was afraid to die.

"I think he just fainted, Fatty" Erol said casually, he had been saying that line too once a day since he became commander, whenever a prisoner was scheduled for execution.

"Who case?" baron Praxis asked before they both walked out of the room.

That turned out to be the biggest mistake of their lives because four minutes later an orange ottsel entered the room, carrying a pink bag of clothes.

"Hey! Does anyone here know where I can find a pizza restaurant?" the ottsel asked.

The voice woke Jak up.

"JAK! I though I didn't hear your voice!" the ottsel said and jumped up on Jaks stomach.

"Oh, hi Dax" Jak said when he realized who the strange ottsel was, that made tons of Jak and Daxter-fans faint in surprise when they heard their hero talking. I wasn't surprised though, I had already seen the trailer.

"That's some hello!" Daxter said sounding very offended, "I've been looking for you for two years and eight (he looked at his watch) nine minutes! The least you can say is hello!"

"Fine, HELLO!" Jak shouted, making Daxter fall of his stomach.

"Man, you're worse than Tinky Vinky!" Daxter said rubbing his head.

He shouldn't have said that, Jak hated Tinky Vinky for being on TV while he, who was way cooler, newer made it to the big screen, the word Tinky Vinky made him transform into a scary monster and destroy the looks at his chair.

"HEY! Calm down!" Daxter said.

Jak shrunk back to normal, "sorry" he said, sounding like a little mouse.

"Thank you. I've brought you some new clothes" said Daxter handing Jak the pink bag.

Jak took of his pants and took on the new pants in the bag.

When he took his jacket of he revealed that he was wearing a pink bra.

Daxter stared at it in confusion.

"What?" Jak asked.

"Nothing" his friend replied, giving Jak the new jacked.

Jak took his new jacket on and Daxter jumped up at his shoulder.

"That looks great! Let's go!" he said.

Jak jumped out of a conveniently placed hole in the wall and landed on… some guy.

"Ouch!" Civilian Guy moaned.

"Look! There's an old man and a young kid!" Daxter said, ignoring Civilian Guy's painful screams.

"He looks familiar" Jak said, looking at the old man and the kid standing next to them. The kid was obviously not an important character, since throughout almost the entire story he never got a name.

"Who? The man or the kid?" Daxter asked.

"Hello Dork and Dorkster" the old man said.

"Hi Kor" said Jak in a friendly voice, "You look like a nice old man who gets on my nerves for no reason at all. Tell me, where the hell am I?"

"You're there" said Kor, pointing at Jak's feet.

"Thanks man" said Jak.

"By the way, since I helped you, kill those guys. They annoy me" Kor said.

"Those guys" was a crimson guard called George, who was probably much more important to the story than the no-named kid.

"You guys are arrested for no apparent reason!" George said, "Prepare to be hugged by Tinky Vinky!"

Jak got angry at George for mentioning Tinky Vinky, and George wouldn't like Jak when he was angry, cause then he'd transform into the hulk!.... Dark Jak.

George was scared to death of Dark Jak so he… died...

"Cool, blood" said Daxter.

"Who needs super-strength when all your victims just die of their own?" Dark Jak asked, surprising anyone who thought Dark was a mute.


	3. Kor can't finish his sentences

**Miss.Ecofreak: bla bla bla, R&R**

**Zakura: and that's all we got to say**

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 3**

**KOR CAN'T FINISH HIS SENTENCES**

After the tragic death of George the crimson guard Jak changed back to normal.

"You know what? I've got this weird feeling of déjà vu" he said.

"You got what?" Daxter asked.

"It feels like I've seen this before" Jak explained, "do you know why little kid?"

The little kid did not answer, he was a mute.

"Shout up kid!" Kor yelled at the boy, then he turned to Jak and Daxter again, "Thanks you guys, this noisy kid is important" he told them.

"This noisy kid?" Daxter said and walked up to the kid, "He's noisy!"

"He looks kind of familiar" said Jak.

"Must be a distant relative" his friend replied, "He-s just sat noisy as you were in chapter one."

"As a token of gratitude I'm going to tell you something useful" Kor said, "There is an underground movement in the slums trying to kill baron Praxis"

"Trying to kill who?" Jak asked, since he had been in prison for two years he had never heard about Praxis before...

"You know, the guy the crimson guards always call Fatty" Kor said

"Oh, you mean Ugly?"

"Right, you see these rebellions…"  
"Do they have cool weapons?" Jak asked, interrupting Kor.

"Ehm, sure" Kor said. "Their leader the Shadow could..."

"Does he have a cute assistant?" it was Daxter this time.

"Maybe… go to the slums and…."

"Are there any beautiful women there?" of course it was Daxter.

"I guess, ask for T…"

"Is Keira there?" Jak asked.

Kor just looked at him with a puzzled expression (which is getting more and more normal in this story)

"Who?" he asked.

"Never mind" Jak answered.

"Fine" said Kor. "Go ask for Torn. He can help you"

"Does he have girlfriend?" Daxter asked.

Kor just walked away with the kid.

"How rude!" Daxter said

"Let's just go look for the guy he talked about" Jak said.

So they stole a zoomer and drove towards the slums.

After a couple of seconds (it's a small world after all) they found a place which looked like a hideout for an underground movement, they figured that must be it so they walked up to a blonde girl who was standing in front of a door.

"Hi there female elf" Jak said, "We're looking for a guy named Torn, have you seen him?"

"Ehm…no… maybe, I don't really know" the woman answered while she was busy trying to find something in her bag, "Oh! Where's my make up?"  
Jak and Daxter just looked at the girl with a… you guessed it! A puzzled expression.

Suddenly, something crept out of the shadows, a scary figure covered in freaky blue tattoos and a t-shirt.

He sneaked in behind the two, rose up and said "boo".

Jak fainted with fear, Daxter, who was still shivering crawled up at Jak's stomach and asked, "a-are you Torn?"

"Jepp" the scary figure known as Torn answered, "how may I help you?"

"Torn! Have you seen my makeup?" the blonde girl asked.

"GET LOST!" Torn yelled at her.

"Fine spitfire" the girl said rolling her eyes.

"What's with the t-shirt dude?" Daxter asked

Torn was wearing a t-shirt and it said "I love Praxis"

"Ehm… a gift" Torn said.

Suddenly Jak woke up, "do you have deadly weapons?" he asked.

"Yes" Torn said.

"Can I have some?"

Torn just looked at Jak, eventually he said "no"

Jak looked very disappointed, actually he was crying.

"Hey, stop the crying! Aw, okay! You can have cool weapons" Torn said, Jak finally stopped crying and smiled like a moron, "But first you'll have to get the flag from the top of the ruined tower" Torn said.

Jak cheered and ran towards Dead Town although he didn't get any directions.  
"Wonder who that was?" Torn said as soon as the two friends had disappeared.

"Ok, crisis over, I found my makeup" the blonde girl said.

"Whoopee" Torn sighed, _she looks ugly enough without _he thought.


	4. Well ehm eh

**This is a very short chapter (beilieve me, its not the shortest), This is also the chapter where I get to present a new character to the story. Well...ehm...eh... that's his name (idea by my cousin, I made up his looks though)**

**CHAPTER 4**

**ENTER WELL...EHM...EH**

(Dead Town)

A tiny leprechaun: yo dudes

Daxter: (with head on side) but. Who are you little fellow?

A tiny leprechaun: you can call me well…ehm…eh. Cause that's my name!

Jak: nice to meet you, Well…ehm…eh. Look! There's the flag!

Daxter: yeah! Let's go get it! (Gets stuck in quicksand) eh... you go get it

Jak: (climbs up and gets the flag) flag gotten

Tower: (collapses) IIIIIIIIII'M COLLAAAAAAPSIIIING!

Jak: weird

Torn: oh, that's a nice flag

Jak: now can I have deadly weapons?

Torn: sorry kid. We're out of water

Jak: so?

Torn: we need it for our water-balloons!

Jak: water-balloons?

Torn: yeah. What did you expect? A morph gun?

Jak: well

Daxter: ehm

Well: eh

Torn: I know! Why don't you two (looks at Well) three go out to the pumping station and turn the water back on?

Jak: sure. I don't have anything better to do

Daxter: man I can't wait to get those balloons!

Well: I want a rock!

(Pumping station)

Daxter: (sees a button) that must be the button to turn it on!

Jak: what does that sign say?

Daxter: "Don't push. The water to the slums will indeed be turned on but you will…" what? I can't read it! Well if it turns the water on (presses the button)

Well: I can read it! Your head was in the way. It says "you will…"

Daxter: (gets stuck in quicksand) get stuck in quicksand?

Well: precisely! How did you know?

Jak: (pulls Daxter up) come on! Let's go find Torn


	5. Metalheads and inhabitants in the ammo d...

**Welcome back to a new hysterical chapter in Dork2  
I have to admit though, this chapter was funnier when I first wrote it in norwegian. I'll explain later.**

**CHAPTER 5**

**METALHEADS AND INNHABITANS IN THE AMMO DUMP**

(Underground HK)

Jak: We're back!

Torn: and the slums water is back too! I'd love to see the heads roll when Fatty finds out!

(Fattys HK)

Praxis: no! My dolls heads are rolling over the floor!

Erol: what?

Ashelin: well. This was a very interesting scene we couldn't make it without. It is important to the entire storyline!

Vin: not to mention all the awesome special effects!

(Underground HK)

Daxter: man I love that scene!

Jak: you were a crimson guard?

Torn: how did you know?

Jak: they're the only ones who calls Ugly Fatty

Torn: ok

Daxter: what's with that t-shirt?

Torn: (is wearing a new t-shirt which says "Praxis is the coolest (except for his daughter)") ehm. Another gift

Jak: who cares about the shirt? When do we meet the Shadow?

Torn: you never asked to see him  
Jak: I'm asking now

Torn: sometime next week. But first you'll have to take care of an ammo dump we've found by the fortress, it's heavily guarded and we need you to blow the whole thing up.

Daxter: Why us?

Torn: cause we find it highly entertaining to send recruits on suicide-missions. And don't forget the camera! We wanna see it later. By the way, bring pizza too.

Jak: fine (leaves)

(Ammo Dump)

Jak: what a nice place, Daxter! Remind me to check the price on this apartment.

You the crimson guard: INHABITANTS!

Kim the crimson guard: no You, it's called intruders, not inhabitants

You: it's the same thing! They're inhabitants right? But they have also trespassed! That makes them both inhabitants and intruders right?

Kim: wow. I never thought of it that way before

Jak, Daxter and Well: (sneaks in while the guards are busy talking)

Jak: what a scary experience

Daxter: look! Hole!

Well: let's see what's in it

Daxter: I have a bad experience with holes. Especially if there's liquid grandma in them.

Jak: thought we agreed it was liquid stepmother?

(Down bellow)

Commander Erol: here are some gifts! Fatty says take them and HICK!

Bunny the metalhead: Fatty?

Lucy the metalhead: that's crimson guards for Praxis, moron!

Bunny: are you calling me a jerk?

Lucy: no. I'm calling you a moron, jerk

You: er, boys? And girls? We've got a problem, a couple and one more inhabitants...

Erol: dude, there's inhabitants all over town HICK!

You: sure, but these three have trespassed

Bunny: but if they are trespassing, couldn't you just say intruders?

You: well. I could have. Why didn't I ever consider that?

Kim: dude, metalheads are smart, especially the females… perhaps that's why there is only females

(Above)

Jak: metalheads? Why are the guards giving them eco?

Daxter: maybe it's their birthday?

Well: or wedding

Jak: hm, that may be

(Below)

Kim: but listen up! These three all live in the city right? But they have trespassed! That still makes them inhabitants right? They have just trespassed! That makes them both inhabitants and intruders right?

Erol: I still would have taken you much HICK more serious if you just said there were intruders on the location!

You: dude, cool it man. Any inhabitants standing around in here must have trespassed so they have to be intruders!

Bunny: he's right!

Weapons: (blows up because Jak, Daxter and Well has stolen a tanks and shot them) WWWWEEEEE'REEEEEE BLOOOOOOOWIIIIING UUUUUUP! AAAAREEEEN'T YYYYYYOOOOUUUU GUUUUUUYYYYYYS GOOOOOOIIIIING TOOOOO DOOOOO AAAAANYYYYYYYTHIIIIING AAAAABOOOOOUUUUT THAAAAAT?

Lucy: hey wait! What if they where from outside Haven City?

Erol: yeah, in that case they wouldn't be inhabitants, just intruders HICK

Kim: there aren't any other cities around!

Lucy: there are metalheads; if metalheads broke in they wouldn't be inhabitants

You: like you?

Lucy: we had a key, that doesn't count as breaking an entry

Kim: but they could have been from Spargus

Erol: what if they came from Sandover?

Kim: Haven City is Sandover!

**Chapter over!  
The similarities between the words intruder and inhabitants is larger in norwegian. In Norway, inhabitants is innbyggere, while intruders are innbrytere, or inntrengere. I hope you still found this chapter funny though.**


	6. Krew, the world's fattest hippie

**Man did I have a laugh while writing this. This very chapter was originally written in a very different way but sometime during my summer vacation I scetched a comic-version of it and this scene appeared. In the comic version, Torn's face is hidden most of the time cause I find his tattos a bit hard to scetch, so in this chapter, his entire head is hidden by a large squid on his head.**

**CHAPTER 6**

**KREW, THE WORLDS FATTEST SUPPLIER**

**(A slightly funny scene, not for people with squid-allergy) **

(Underground HQ)

Torn: (is only wearing a towel saying"Right", a t-shirt saying"Praxis makes great buns" and a squid on his head) I hope this is important! I was in the shower!

Daxter: wearing a t-shirt?

Torn: yeah? You never take of your clothes when you're bathing either

Daxter: what's it saying? "Praxis makes great buns"?  
Torn: yes! He does!

Daxter:...

Jak: (carries a bread-pizza) we saw something odd in the fortress. You, Kim and Erol was giving away eco to Bunny and Lucy!

Torn: perhaps it was their birthday?

Daxter: I said that!

Well: (carries a strawberry-pizza) it could have been wedding

Daxter: nah, it's as good as no male metalheads

Civilian Guy: (carries taco) it could have been Christmas Eve

Daxter: in June?

Torn: I guess he should tell the Shadow; meanwhile you can take this eco-ore to Krew, the world's fattest mutant, on Hip Hog Heaven by the dock. Maybe he even has some deadly weapons?

Jak: (smiles from ear to ear)

Torn: and while you're there, pump Krew, the world's fattest informant, for information, and perhaps some fat, he's way to fat.

Jak: (writes a memo) ask for info and dieting, got it! Let's go Well, you to Daxter

Civilian Guy: can I come?

Jak: sure, and leave Torn's fridge alone!

Daxter: (comes out from the fridge) but I wanted pudding!

Jak: (puts Daxter on a leach an leaves after giving Torn the pizzas)

Torn: damn, there's no squid on these pizzas,

The squid on Torn's head: (shivers)

(Hip Hog Heaven Saloon, later known as the Naughty Ottsel)

Daxter: man! This is the most depressive bar I've ever seen! Oh well, (walks up to Krew, the world's fattest weapon supplier) You Krew, the world's fattest monkey? WOW! You really need a strong diet!

Krew: Really? You don't think its just side effects from my vaccination do you?

Jak: ?

Daxter: ?

Sig: ?

Well: ?

Erol: HICK?

Jak: what the hell are you doing here?

Erol: drinking HICK!

Krew, the world's fattest game character: you probably want a reward?

Jak: (nods in excitement)

Krew, the world's fattest! Period!: fine. Sig, give these guys their price

Sig: (gives Jak a morph gun)

Jak: (smiles from the tip of his ear to the tip of his other ear (remember, Jak's ears are about one and a half feet long so this makes a huge smile))

Daxter: aw, no water balloons?

Sig: nope, here are some oil balloons though

Krew, word's fattest rabbit eater: sorry pin head! We're all out of water balloons.

Civilian Guy: what about me?

Sig: sure, here's a slingshot

Civilian Guy: awesome! I should have had this two years ago. When a jerk from the past came and landed on me. I hope I find him, and then I'll kill him!

Jak: (hugs his morph gun while shivering with fear)

Krew, the word's sickest guy: do you want to test your new toys out in the wasteland? Sig got a job to do out there and need someone to watch his back

Jak: like a baby sitter?

Krew, the world's fattest handicapped: something like that

Jak: sounds cool, wanna tag along Civilian Guy?  
Civilian Guy: don't count on me; I've already got a job (takes on his waiter costume)

Erol: more beer!

Civilian Guy: Get it yourself!


	7. How to work for Krew, the world's fattes...

**This chapter includes two guest stars, but I'm not going to spoil the surprise, here's chapter seven.**

**CHAPTER 7**

**HOW TO WORK FOR KREW, THE WORLDS FATTEST ELF**

(Pumping station)

Dee Dee: Oh, what's that button?

Dexter: DEE DEE! DON'T TUOCH THAT ONE!

Daxter: NO! OR YOU'LL SINK IN QUICKSAND!

Dee Dee: (sinks in quicksand) too late

Dexter: oh well, glad she's out of my life (walks away)

Sig: so, ready to hunt some metalheads?

Jak: (nods in excitement)

Sig: then let's go!

Bunny: (speaks to her friend Lucy) I still don't get it, are you absolutely sure all the elves in Haven City counts as inhabitants?

Lucy: oh, don't start that again (gets shoot) ouch! (dies)

Bunny: what? Who's there? Inhabitants! (Flees)

Jak: wow, this is more fun than I'd thought it would be

Sig: just stick to me and my peacemaker and we'll have a good time (shoots Oline the metalhead)

Daxter: (glues himself to Sigs peacemaker)

Jak: cool, (shoots random hiker)

Civilian Guy: you shoot me in the foot! I knew I should have stayed at work

Sig: great job, you three could have been working at a circus

Jak: no thanks, I'd rather be changing diapers on my kids

Well: you don't have kids

Daxter: let's go back and celebrate with a coke!

(Hip Hog Heaven)

Daxter: cheers for Sigs gun

Well: cheers

Erol: yeah, whatever HICK! (Murmurs) and lets hope Jaks gun fails and he dies a slow and painful death

Krew, the worlds fattest EXPOLISION: you three turned out to be quite useful; I got another job for you

Jak: and more guns?

Krew, the world's fattest person: whatever

Jak: (smiles)

Krew, the world's fattest smuggler: the sewers used to be a great smuggler route for me, until the baron…

Erol: (interrupts) Fatty!

Krew, the world's fattest near-intelligent being: until _Fatty_ installed security devices

Daxter: sewers? Isn't there sewer in the sewers?

Krew, world's fattest employer: maybe

Jak: I guess you've got a great plan in your microscopic brain. What shall we crush today?

Krew, the world's fattest earthling: it's not hard; you just go down to the sewers and destroy all the canoes down there.

Well: don't you mean canons?

Krew, the world's fattest being: get out!

(Sewers)

Well: say, are we never out in the streets?

Jak: apparently not

Well: there's the canon! Hold on, it _is_ a canoe

Jak: (shoots Ulfert the canoe) how can canoes be a problem?

John canoe: (attacks Jak from behind)

Jak: (is attacked by John) AAA! I'm under attack!

Daxter: you certainly are (shoots John using Jaks gun)

Jak: thanks Dax; let's go back to the Hip Hog, later known as the Naughty Ottsel


	8. Out in the street

**This is a critic to Well...ehm...eh's comment in last chapter**

**Quote:  
Well: say, are we never out in the streets?**

**See for yourself.**

**CHAPTER 8**

**OUT IN THE STREET**

(Out in the street)

Daxter: now we're out in the streets

Jak: great, where are we going now?

Well: how about Spain?

Jak: nah, that's to hot. Let's go to Mistfjord!

Daxter: ain't that in Norway?

Jak: yeah

Well: no no! We're going to Rock Village!

Jak: Rock Village is on fire

Daxter: how about the red sage's hut?

Jak: the red sage's hut looks worse than the blue's!

Well: how about Gol and Mayas citadel?

Jak: they'll be perfectly safe there

Daxter: well we can't stay out here; this place gives me the creeps! And trust me; it's a whole new feeling when you're covered in fuzz!

Jak: and?

Daxter: what are we doing here anyway Jak? (Trips in stupid precursor junk)

Ah. Stupid precursor junk

Jak: (laughs)

Daxter: the sage yaps on about the precursors who build this place all the time

Well: the precursors didn't build this place

Daxter: (keeps talking as if Well…Ehm…Eh never interrupted) (copies Samos' voice) where did they go? Why did they build this crap? (Throws the stupid precursor junk at Jak)

Stupid precursor junk: (starts glowing)

Jak: hm, I'm having another déjà vu-feeling

Daxter: well I like precursor orbs and power cells as much as any other jerk, but if you ask me, they must have been real loosers (looks at Jak whit the glowing stupid precursor junk) wow! How did you do that?

Jak: I pressed the on-button moron. Now are we going to stand here repeating lines from Precursor Legacy all day or are we going back to Hip Hog, later known as the naughty ottsel and see what Erol's doing?

Daxter: what's Erol got to do with the glowing junk?

Jak: not a clue. But maybe Krew, the world's fattest handsome guy has got some new weapons for us

**Are you happy now?**


	9. Meeting Krew, the world's fattest girls'...

**Bla bla bla**

**Just read**

**CHAPTER 9**

**MEETING KREW, THE WORLD'S FATTEST MAGNET'S KEIRALIKE CLIENT**

(Hip Hog heaven, later known as the Naughty Ottsel)

Krew, the world's fattest lunch eater: what is that horrible smell?

Well: I guess it's the dog poop on the floor

Krew, the world's fattest guy in green pants: I guess you're right

Erol: sick! HICK!

Krew, he with the world's smallest feet: don't you have work to do?

Erol: I guess, but it's so much more fun to sit around here drinking beer HICK!

Krew, the world's fattest question asker: oh well, more money for me. I've got a proposition for you Jak. Racing is the most popular sport in the city, Erol is the race champion

Jak: that alcoholic?

Erol: do you have a problem HICK with that ecofreak? HICK!

Krew, the world's fattest FBI-agent: that alcoholic is dangerous on the track. Only a complete moron would dare race against him

Well: because he's constantly drunk?  
Erol: HEY! HICK!

Krew, the world's fattest CIA-agent: (whispers) precisely, but don't tell him I said that, he's armed

Jak: (looks at Erol)

Erol: where's my beer HICK! Damn women! HICK! (Shoots the waiter with his morph gun)

Civilian Guy: why is it always me who gets shoot?

Jak: see what you mean

Krew, the world's fattest horse whisperer: and that's where you came in (points at the door) and by the way, a Keiralike client of mine is looking for some good drivers for her racing team, I already signed your contracts to save time.

Daxter: (reads the contract) we the racers give Krew all rights except the right to pay our bills. Signed Well…Ehm…Eh, Jak and Dakster. You spelled my name wrong!

Well: why did you write "You spelled my name wrong"?

Daxter: he didn't write "you spelled my name wrong", Krew, the world's fattest ottsel spelled my name wrong!

Krew, the world's fattest phone salesman: who cares anyway? Get to the stadium in less than three minutes and my keiralike client said she would consider hiring you for her team

Jak: cool, racing

Erol: you'll never HICK beat me HICK

Jak: oh, I'm so discouraged

(Stadium)

Jak: well that didn't take any time at all

Daxter: just one word! How long is one word in seconds?

Jak: it depends, if the word says "next day" it means one day later, but that's two words of course, I think Stadium means it didn't take any time at all¨

Well: let's go see Krew, the world's fattest clienthaver's keiralike client

Jak: but… mom said I can't stare at girls, it's rude

Daxter: Your mom's dead!

Jak: so? She sits on a cloud watching me and if I do anything wrong she'll throw a lighting bolt in my head (cries like a baby)

Daxter: moron

(In the garage, a keiralike woman is building a riftriderlike machine behind a curtainlike carpet)

Jak: Yahoo? Keiralike woman? I'm home... no, but I'm here anyway

Keiralike voice coming from the keiralike woman behind the curtain: I'm busy right now, you must be Krew, the world's fattest helperhavers new helpers, not to be rude or anything but GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! YOU MAKE ME SICK!

Jak: thank you for being so nice to us

Keiralike voice coming from the keiralike voice behind the curtain: no problem. Why don't you go out and try my jetboard so that I can get rid of you for a few seconds.

Jak: (goes out, tries the jetboard, and comes back in) jetboard tried

Keiralike voice coming from the keiralike woman behind the curtain: great, humans do get lucky

Jak: I'm no human

Keiralike voice coming from the keiralike woman behind the curtain: the same goes for elves too stupid! No get out!'

Jak: we make you sick don't we?

Keiralike voice coming from the keiralike woman behind the curtain: you bet! I'm turning green! Oh, wait, my hair is still some blue. But you're working for Krew, the word's fattest fat! What's to like?

Jak: my extremely handsome look?

Keiralike voice coming from the keiralike woman behind the curtain: hm, no. You're ugly

Jak: you haven't even seen me

Keiralike voice coming from the keiralike woman behind the curtain: no, I'm to busy building this secret riftriderlike machine. Don't you have anyone to beat up, collect money from, or getting your revenge on because someone shout you in a prison cell for two years and pumped you full of dark eco?

Jak: now that you mention it. Can you get me in to Uglys Palace?

Keiralike voice coming from the keiralike woman behind the curtain: for tea and cake?

Jak: I don't like tea, but the cake sounds good

Well: I want tea!

Keiralike voice coming from the keiralike woman behind the curtain: fine, I'll help you out if you get the hell out of here!

There's an old elevator in one of the palaces support towers, maybe it can get you up there

Jak: thanks, bye (walks out)

Daxter: what an annoying bitch

Jak: yeah. But don't you think her voice sounded very keiralike?

Daxter: sure, but it can't have been her, she's not working here

Well: who's Keira?

Jak: my girlfriend

Daxter_: my _girlfriend

**Does any of you have any idea who that keiralike woman might be? I know, (I wrote this chapter and I've beaten Jak2) oh well... I've just uploaded four documents at once, so I've kinda run out of funny comments. Just review please:)**


	10. HICK!

**Meet Daxter's new girlfriend. too bad he gets drunk at the first date:)**

**CHAPTER 10**

**HICK!**

(Hip Hog Heaven, later know as the Naughty Ottsel)

Tess: (is cleaning the counter)

Daxter: hi! You're new here! But I've seen you before. Don't you work for the underground?

Tess: jepp, I'm Tess. Torn sent me to spy on Krew, the world's fattest eyh. Have you seen my make-up around?

Daxter: no, but I can help you look for it. (Jumps behind the counter) Maybe it's in one of these bottles (drinks) not that one, (drinks) not there either (drinks)

Erol: (looks at Daxter over the counter) eyh, leave some for the rest of us HICK!

Krew, the world's fattest robot: hello! I've got a new job for you Jak, some of my clients are about to make money drops for me. Get me that money and…

Erol: (looks suspiciously at them) HICK

Krew, the world's fattest James Bond-look-alike: (whispers) take care of any guards who get curios

Erol: (looks suspiciously at them) HICK

Jak: like that one? (Points at Erol)

Erol: (looks at Daxter who is currently singing an odd song) HICK

Daxter: (sings) Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase!

Well and Erol: (claps)

Krew, the world's fattest costumer: leave him alone! He's my best costumer!

Erol: (drinks) HICK

Daxter: tell me if you find Tess' make-up in there HICK!

Erol: (shoots Daxter and gives Tess the make-up he found in the bottle) HICK

Daxter: (faints)

Tess: thank you Erol

Jak: (walks out, gets the money, and comes back in) I've got your money

Krew, the world's fattest phone: great job! But… is your rat sick or something?

Erol: rat? HICK

Daxter: (wakes up) where? I'm scared of rats!

Erol: me too, HICK (hugs Daxter for security)

Krew, the world's fattest ball: what's their problem eyh?

Well: they're drunk

Krew, the world's fattest movie: oh well, more money for me


	11. Vin, Ashelin and the torn scrub

**Whenever I hear the word Torn I can't help thinking of scrubs. So one day I gave Jak the line "got any missions torn scrub" and suddenly the character noticed a scrub standing in the corner. In this chapter we finally find out where Torn (and all others) gets his t-shirts from.**

**CHAPTER 11**

**VIN, ASHELIN AND THE TORN SCRUB**

(Undergroun HQ)

Jak: we're back, got any new missions today torn scrub?

Torn scrub: (stands in the corner looking torn)

Torn: (looks oddly at the torn scrub) where did that came from?

Daxter: eyh! T-shrt!

Torn: (is wearing a t-shirt saying "Praxis is cooler than teletubbies" (guess he's right)) another gift from my good friend. Oh well, one of the barons mining operations are under attack by metal heads

Jak: and?

Torn: the foreman is one of the undergrounds best informants

Jak: what? Then we have to save the guy! (Runs out dragging Well and Daxter along)

Torn: yeah, something like that

(Strip mine)

Line metalhead: INHABITANTS! (Gets shoot and dies)

Well: say, are all the metalheads females?

Daxter: no, just almost all of them

Jak: look! Person!

Vin: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Jak: are you only thinking about yourself?

Vin: are you friends? How nice, so. Where's the army?

Daxter: over there (points at an army Shadow sent)

Vin: great! I'm saved! (Runs home)

Jak: Vin is safe, no for the next mission

Well: how did you know his name?

Jak: read his name tag

Well: oh

(Underground HQ)

Torn: (is wearing a t-skirt saying "Praxis is good at fighting") you guys! My lover is in trouble!

Jak: is it a boy?

Daxter: or girl?

Well: or perhaps it's a baby?

Torn: it's a girl my age! Fatty sent her out on a mission at the pumping station, and I think she might need some help

Daxter: (smiles)

Torn: don't even think about it!

Daxter: by the way, is it her who sent you that skirt?

Torn: (is wearing a t-skirt saying "long live Praxis") (I don't know why he suddenly changed but…) yes. No get out!

(Pumping station)

Daxter: what the hell are we doing risking our lives to rescue some old crimson guard hag anyway?

Jak: (is to busy watching TV)

Daxter: who put that TV there?

Jak: (gets attacked)

Ashelin: (attacks Jak and talks with a nice voice) hi. What's your name?

Jak: (talks just as kindly to his attacker) my name is Jak, nice to almost get my head shoot of by you.

Ashelin: (releases Jak from her grip) my name is Ashelin, can you please get that odd-looking pet of yours to let go of my hand?

Jak's odd-looking pet/Daxter: (holds Ashelins hand)

Jak: Daxter! Didn't Torn tell you not to even think about it?

Daxter: I'm not thinking, it's an instinct really

Ashelin: (hits Daxter in his head) no offence ratboy, I got this instinct that tells me to hit whoever's holding my hand (except Torn) speaking of Torn. Tell him daddy is planning to find Mars tomb

Well: Mars is up there (points at Mars (fourth planet from the sun))

Ashelin: not Mars! Mar is Haven City's founder you leprechaun!

Well: leprechaun? There's no need to call me things (cries)

Ashelin: if you want to know more you should go see Onin in the bazaar

Jak: I can't! Mom said I shouldn't stare at girls

Ashelin: then look another way. I have to go now; it was nice meeting you (waves)

Jak: (waves back)

Daxter: for the last time Jak. YOUR MOM CAN'T PUNISH YOU WHEN SHE'S DEAD! (Is hit by a lighting bolt)

Daxter's mom: (sits on a cloud) you better behave young ottsel!

Daxter: what the?

**As for the question about male and female metalheads... there's only one male in this story. You can try to guess who.**


	12. Vin in the ceiling

**Now.. this is short. this is very short. **

**CHAPTER 12**

**VIN IN THE CEILING (SHORTEST CHAPTER OF THE STORY)**

(Power station)

Daxter: (says with no feeling whatsoever) boo

Vin: (screams high and jumps up into the ceiling)

Jak: Vin? What are you doing hanging upside down in the ceiling?

Vin: ceiling? What ceiling? I'm not in any ceiling

Well: moron

**Wasn't that short? You've got to agree that was short. If you think this chapter is short please review, if you think this chapter is long, you're nuts.  
You can review in english, norwegian, danish or sweedish, you can also review in japanese, german, french or portugese, just don't expect me to answer cause I Don't understand japanese, german, french or portugese. **


	13. Erol goes the wrong way

**We all now Erol is an idiot in this fic right? (everyone in this fic are idiots) So perhaps you're wondering how he always finds his way to the bar espesially when he's drunk all the time... Well. the thing is, he don't always find the way:)**

**CHAPTER 13**

**EROL GOES THE WRONG WAY**

Vin: we've got a problem! There's lots of metaleadegs in the drill plattform! Propably lots of metalheadeggs

Jak: no what makes you think that?

Daxter: and why should we care?

Vin: why can't you please crush them?

Jak: fine (goes out, crushes the eggs, comes back in) eggs crushed

Vin: thanks you guys

(Onin's tent)

Daxter: this was a nice place, look at all the ugly stuff!

Pecker: are you calling me ugly? (Cries)

Jak: well

Daxter: ehm

Well: eh

Erol: HICK?

Jak: eyh! What are you doing here?

Erol: what? You mean this isn't the bar?

Jak: (shakes his head) nuw

Erol: oh, well then I'd better leave (leaves)

Jak: (to Pecker) and you are?

Pecker: I am Pecker! I am Onin's interpreter!

Well: who's Onin?

Jak: where's Onin?

Pecker: she's out for lunch

Erol: (comes back in) by the way, where is the bar?

Jak: just go in one direction until you reach somewhere, turn around because you have gotten to far, go back here, dance a silly dance, go towards somewhere, follow some road in some direction till you see some building, there it is.

Erol: thanks ecofreak

Jak: you're welcome drunkfreak

Pecker: look, there comes Onin

Onin: (comes in and waves her arms)  
Pecker: Onin welcomes you and says BOO! Scared yah! She says it is good to se you again Jak

Jak: but we've never met before

Pecker: ops, forgot

Jak: (looks at Onin with an odd expression)

Daxter: eyh! I thought your mom told you not to stare at old women?

Jak: yeah, I guess. But I suddenly remembered I don't remember my mom

Daxter: oh well. Do you know anything about…?

Pecker: (interrupts) … Mars tomb?

Well: how did you know?

Pecker: I'm psychic you silly excuse for a leprechaun

Well: stupid moncaw

Pecker: Onin wants you to recover three precursor-artifacts from the temple outside the city

Jak: why?

Pecker: JUST DO IT!

Jak: (gets scared so he runs to the temple and gets the stuff) stuff recovered

Pecker: man you're good

Daxter: can we kick Ugly's but now?

Jak: great idea, but first we must talk to Vin

Well: why?

Jak: cause that's our next missin, see? (Holds up a mission list, first thing on the list says"talk to Vin", next"Kick Ugly's but" and after that"get yelled at")


	14. Aren't we gonna kick Ugly's butt?

**Miss.Ecofreak: Finally! I've reached the chapter Jak has been waiting for since "The Adventure in Praxis' prison cell". chapter 14.  
Jak: jay!**

**CHAPTER 14**

**AREN'T WE GONNA KICK UGLY/DADDY/FATTY'S BUTT SOON?**

(Power station)

Jak: Vin buddy! We need a favor

Vin: I can't help you with your eco-bill

Jak: oh… to bad (leaves)

Well: hey wait! We need you to turn on the power to the elevator in one of the palaces support towers!

Jak: (comes back) yeah! Right, that's what we need

Vin: ok (pushes some buttons) have fun being killed in the palace

(The palace)

Daxter: correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't there supposed to be a mission between here?

Jak: I guess, but MissEcoFreak was to lazy to write it (gets an anvil in his head)

MissEcoFreak: you were saying?

Well: look! (Looks into a window)

(Down under (no, not Australia) (no, not America either) (no damn it! It's not China!)(it's in the palace moron! Not on the South Pole!))

Praxis: I told you, I will have more eco by weeks end

Metalhead leader: but I want it now! (Cries)

Erol: moron HICK! (Gets up cause he has fallen)

Metalhead leader: ARE YOU CALLING ME A MORON YOU MORON? (Hangs up)

Erol: he's a moron! Let me lead an attack on the nest before it's HICK to late! I can take him! HICK (falls over)

Praxis: patience commander, no one (especially not an alcoholic as yourself) have ever penetrated the metalhead nest

Erol: HICK! (Gets up)

Praxis: no, we play idiots. We train them to eat from our hands

Erol: HICK! It's most likely they'll eat the whole hand HICK (falls over)

Praxis: tell Ashelin to up her patrols! I want that tomb found!

Erol: but HICK your HICK daughter HICK has not been HICK agreeHICK!able (gets up)

Praxis: is it just me or do you…

Erol: HICK (trips)

Praxis: …hick more than usual?

(Above)

Jak: Ashelin is Ugly's daughter?

Well: sure, didn't you know that?

Jak: of course I knew! I just wanted to check if you knew! (turns away, feels very offended cause Well…Ehm…eh (who's grown up in Haven City) knows more about the city than himself (who's spent all his two years in Haven in a prison cell))

(Down under (no damn it! Still not Australia))

Praxis: and find that brat! If you've spent half your time looking for that cute little kid as you spent…

Erol: HICK (hits the floor)

Praxis: … getting drunk or flirting with that keiralike girl we would have pinned his Jaklike ass on the wall right now!

Erol: that's not very nice HICK (pretends he is pretending to be falling)

Praxis: no… but we're not very nice either

(Above)

Daxter: (whispers) moron

(Down under (stop asking you idiot!))

Praxis: who said that? (Looks up)

Erol: HICK (touches the ground with his nose)

(Above)

Jak: man that guy's got some very sensitive hearing! (Runs away with Daxter and Well on his shoulders)

Praxis: (sits in a flying thingy) stop right there!

Jak: (stops right there)

Praxis: back for more eco-treatments?

Jak: actually I want refunds! Being altered with dark eco isn't fun

Praxis: well in that case, allow me to put you all out of your suffering

Daxter: I'm not suffering!  
Praxis: (shoots) now you are

Daxter: (suffers) oh, I'm suffering!

Arne: welcome all readers to this epic struggle between baron Praxis and Jak

Anne: that's right Arne; this is going to be the battle of all time

Jak: who the fuck are you two?

Arne: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! Let me introduce the fighters, in the right corner, our hated ruler in his amazing flying thingy! BARON PRAXIS!

Audience: boooooooo

Jerk: jay

Anne: and in the left corner, the guy who got altered with dark eco for two years, the ottsel whose name has been taken from the title, the leprechaun who thinks he's a flut-flut and who doesn't like dark eco. JAK, DAXTER AND WELL…Ehm…eh

Audience: boooo (this is a very critical audience)

Jerk: jay (he doesn't care as long as the battles are violent)

Well: what do you mean by "thinks he's a flut-flut"? I _am _a flut-flut! Can't you see my tail feathers? (Shows non-existing tail feathers)

Anne: who cares? And here they go! Jak takes out his blaster and shoots Praxis' flying thingy

Arne: and Praxis gives back the same, he makes it almost impossible for Jak to aim

Anne: but Jak doesn't give up that easily. He takes out his bellowed scatter gun AND HE… missed

Audience: boooo

Anne: Praxis goes to recharge his thingy

Arne: Jak can't shoot as long as Praxis is recharging so he goes to recharge his own blaster at the same time

Anne: now Praxis is done. Jak takes out his blaster and shoots.

Jerk: jay

Anne: that's got to hurt! Praxis needs a new weapon

Arne: he's shooting homing missiles

Anne: homing missiles my ass. Jak runs away like it was nothing. BÆNG!

Miss. Ecofreak: what a weird word. (Giggles)

Anne: you wrote it, I'm just a character. What letter is Æ anyway?

Miss. Ecofreak: go ask the Norwegian readers

Anne: you're Norwegian

Miss. Ecofreak: it's a Norwegian letter

Jak: are we going to kick this guy's ass or what?

Jerk: yeah! Let's get some action here!

Audience: the sooner you continue the sooner we can leave

Miss. Ecofreak: geez, no one asked you to stay

Audience: (leaves)

Arne: finally they're gone. Baron Praxis starts shooting flames

Anne: but Jak shoots his flying thingy and breaks it

Flying thingy: (breaks)

Jerk: jay!

Praxis: eyh! You broke my thingy! You'll pay for that!

Jak: no! Take that as payment for ruining my life Fatty!

Praxis: I'm not fat! Stop teasing me! (runs away crying)

Anne: what a great battle! Congratulations Jak, Daxter and Well…ehm…eh…

Daxter: thanks

Jak: let's go see Torn and get yelled at.

**Next Chapter, the main characters get yelled at... sort of...**


	15. Jak, the world's most dutiful person

**I'm so happy! I'm going to get my rabbit home tomorow! (As you read this I might already have her) Plus, I get to upload another random chapter for Dork2, where Jak gets yelled at. R&R**

**CHAPTER 15**

**JAK, THE WORLD'S MOST DUTIFUL PERSON AND TORN'S LONGEST T-SHIRT-WRITING TILL NOW**

(Underground HQ)

Torn: (is wearing a t-shirt saying: I think Praxis is a relatively nice guy and I would really like to know him better. What I don't like is when you break in to his palace and destroys his flying thingy. Want a hug?) The whole city's on high alert! What the hell did you three do?

Jak: no

Torn: no what?

Jak: I don't want a hug

Torn: pity

Daxter: well you are wearing an ugly t-shirt! And one more thing! We overheard a secret meeting with metal Ko… the metal head leader!

Kor: you saw m… the metal head leader?  
The kid: (screams) !

Jak: not now Mar Junior. We're having an important meeting here (to Kor) no. we didn't see y… the metal head leader.Y...he was on some communicator.

Well: but we heard him talking to the baron! He's been giving eco to the metal heads!

The kid: (screams) !

Kor: (to kid) will you shout up? It will never be enough

Jak: how do you know?

Kor: … I'm guessing

Daxter: but the baron's gonna over cross them

Kor: oh? (Runs out at full speed)

Jak: where was he going?

Torn: not to warn the metal heads at least… I hope. But I've got another task for you. Since you broke in to the fatty's nest, you, you leprechaun-guy, and your little rat-friend…

Daxter: RATS? WHERE?

Well: where's that leprechaun he always talk about?

Torn: … have to escort four of our men to new houses.

Jak: (does that, as the dutiful person he is)

Torn: (looks at a map) scouts report movement in Dead Town

Jak: aaa! Living dead!

Torn: (doesn't react to Jak's scream because he's got a large rock in his left ear and a big bunny in the other) metal heads moving towards the sacred site.

Jak: oh… so that's the movement

Daxter: why is it called dead town?

Torn: because… (Looks in a book) metal heads broke through the city wall and Fatty couldn't care less. Only Shadow stayed and stopped the attack! Don't you know anything?  
Daxter: what a hero that Shadow-guy is. Much braver than Samos, that's for sure.

Jak: so… you want us to go out there?

Torn: jepp, do you have a problem with that!

Jak: yeah! I don't want to see any ghosts

Torn: … there aren't any ghosts there. And if there are, here is a new gun

Jak: what are we waiting for then? (Runs towards Dead Town even though he still didn't get any directions)

Torn: … he forgot the gun

Daxter: I'll take that (takes the Vulcan fury and runs after Jak with Well on his shoulder)

**I can't wait to get Zakura home:) I would be even happier if you revewed.**


	16. Shadow and the huuuuuuge surprise

**Anoyone who want to know who the Shadow is? I figured it out even before I got to that place in the game, or at least i had a hunch.  
There is a guest star in this chapter! Cornelius from my other story Growing up in Haven City tries to find a nice present for his brother.**

**CHAPTER 16**

**SHADOW AND THE HUUUUUUUUUGE SURPRISE**

(Dead Town)

Jak: (shoots the metal heads, Julie, Siv, Knutelle, Mette and Karen) metal heads shot

Well: what's that? (Points at a Samos'hutlike hut)

Jak: hey! That hut looks very Samos'hutlike

Daxter: really? I didn't remember it being so dirty?

Well: what's a Samos'hutlike hut?

Jak: (shocked) WE'RE IN THE FUTURE!

Well: how do you know?

Jak: I'm a genius. Besides, Samos said it before we left

Reader: (goes back to chapter one) wow! He's right! What a great and important detail!

Daxter: I'm in shock. Let's go back to the city so that I can eat pudding. I always fell better while eating pudding. Maybe we even get to see Shadow! It's been a week since we started now.

Well: yeah, and maybe it's Samos

Daxter: yeah right

Jak: you're nuts, Well…ehm…eh…

Well: try to remember my name better and I might not be

Jak: Well…ehm…eh _is_ your name

(Underground HQ)  
Torn: the Shadow has decided to meet you

Daxter: eyh! What's with the shirt?

Torn: (is wearing a t-shirt saying "The baron is a cool guy, he even likes pie") that's a strange question

Daxter: I'm a strange ottsel

Shadow: so you are the jerks who keeps getting into trouble

Daxter: are you calling us idiots?

Shadow: no… I said jerks

Daxter: DAMN! IT'S YOU!

Samoslike Shadow: (is wearing a t-shirt saying "No he's not cool! And he hates pie!) Hello you two completestrangerswhomI'veneverseenoratleastnotheardinmyentirelife and you other completlyrandomlephrechanwithadunnyname, I'm known as the Shadow, but you may call me Samos. Who are you?  
Jak: don't you recognise us?

Shadow: nope, I never forget a face, especially not one that ratlike (points at Daxter)

Daxter: (looks around scared) rats? Where? Don't let them eat me! (Hides in Jak's hair) by the way Samos, I like your shirt

Shadow: thanks. We're very busy right no, we've got a baron to overthrow, a metalheadleader to be scared of and… PUT THAT PYTHON DOWN! ... And a way too wild kid to protect

The kid: (puts the snake down)

Torn: damn! Why does he always bring so many dangerous animals home? Who gave you that snake?

The Kid: (paints a picture of Kor)

Torn: Kor again? Last time he gave you a full-grown lion! What's next?

Well: hopefully he doesn't kidnap the kid. Perhaps we should send him to the past where he can be safe?

Torn: you're nuts. We'll never do that!

Jak: I'm getting bored. Don't you have a suicide mission we can go on?

Shadow: you could go to Haven Forest and…

Jak: (runs towards Haven Forest although he didn't get any directions or instructions for what the mission was)

Shadow: … catch some metalheads (to Torn) is he like that all the time?

Torn: yes, (to Cornelius) put that snake down

Cornelius: oh (puts the snake down) I wanted to give it to my brother for his birthday

(Haven forest)

Jak: what a forestlike area

Daxter: awesome! The keiralike girl left her jetboard for us! No it's ours!

Jak's morphgun: (gets jealous)

Well: no we can speed around the city and wreck stuff!

Jak: great! (Grabs the jetboard and uses it to catch the metalheads, Bulma, Lois, Erika and Jesse)


	17. A kid with a beutiful name

**Does the kid look like Jak to you? At the moment I saw him I kept thinking he really reminded me of Jak, mute and greenhaired. If you haven't beaten Jak2 yet you probably won't understand some of the jokes in this chapter, or you wouldn't understand them if it hadn't contained all those SPOILERS! Cornelius returns in this chapter too, and he will point out something which isn't important to Jak2 but if you read Growing up in Haven City you will see what he talks about. R& don't forget to R!**

**CHAPTER 17**

**A KID WITH AN UNUSUAL BEAUTIFUL NAME AND AN ALWAYS ANGRY CROCADOG**

(Underground HQ)

The kid: (runs around Shadow chasing a small dog)

Well, Jak and Daxter: (arrives)

Shadow: (is wearing a t-shirt saying "Praxis makes horrible muffins") hello you three, can you help me out?

Well: who's that?

Shadow: the kid's been here all the time, haven't you noticed?

Well: no no, I meant him (points at Jak)

Shadow: no idea

Daxter: me neither

Jak: what's this kid's story?

Shadow: I found him just wandering the streets. But that amulet around his neck means he's the heir to this city's throne

Cornelius: how come he's the heir when his sister is fifteen years older?

Shadow: get lost

Cornelius: I already am. Do you know the way home?

Shadow: (ignores Cornelius) can't you guys escort the kid and his mutt to the power station. Kor promised to look after him and… CROCKET STOP CHEWING ON MY FOOT! ... I'm too busy to baby-sit right now

Jak: whatever... that dog's cute, he reminds me of another dog I had as a kid

Daxter: I never remember you having a dog?

Jak: I had him when I was three. And we didn't meet until… later

Shadow: that dog's a menace

Jak: he's gorgeous… this all seems so familiar

Daxter: haven't you said that before?

Jak: I don't know. Have I?

Daxter: yes you did. You said the exact same thing when we escaped from prison. It's like Miss. Ecofreak copied it

Miss. Ecofreak: no i didn't

Jak: who cares? Come on little personwithanunusualbeutifulname, let's go to the power station.

(Power station)

Daxter: Kor! We've got a kid here for you!

Kor: great! I've always wanted a daughter

Jak: ehm… it's a boy. And you only get to borrow him

Kor: aw, Well, I'm going to kill him… keep him close I mean

Jak: good to hear

Crocket: growl! (translation: cookie)

Kor: wonder what that means? I'm sure he just said something extremely intelligent.

Jak: no doubt (pets the dog)

Crocket: (kisses Jak)

Kor: that's weird. That crazy old mutt never liked anyone but little **_Jak_** before.

Well: the kid's name's Jak?

Jak: what's wrong with that? It's a nice name.

Kor: I know! Crocket probably only likes people named Jak!

Well: the dog's name is Crocket?

Davy Crocket: what's wrong with that? It's a nice name

Kor: get lost Davy. I've got a job for you. Praxis tries to find Mars tomb. I don't believe it exists. But you can go disturb his operations at the dig anyway.

Jak: who's Praxis?

Kor: Ugly. The kid's got and air train-pass to take you out there

Daxter: we're going to ride a pass?

Kor: no idiot, you're going to ride the air train

Jak: sounds like fun

**Funny, the kid's got the same name as the game's main character... odd**


	18. Jak likes to ride the air train

**Well this is weird. Perhaps I should tell you now that in this chapter a couple of new characters makes a short appearance. Montblanc (Montblanc is a moogle, they like to say kupo) and Marche are the main characters in Final Fantasy Tactics advance, they live in a country called Ivalice. Another one is Zakura, my rabbit. She lives in my room but I was out when this chapter took place... right...**

**CHAPTER 18**

**JAK REALLY LIKES RIDING THE AIR TRAIN.**

(The dig)

Jak: that was fun. Let's do it again

Well: no way! I'm waiting here!

(Haven City)

Jak: whoopee!

Daxter: eh, Jak? We've got a job to do

(The dig)

Jak: do it again!

Daxter and Well: no way! (Pulls Jak after each ear)

Jak: (disturbs Nils crimson guard)

Nils: don't disturb me!

Jak: fine! The guards are disturbed; can we ride the air train now?

Daxter: fine

(Haven City)

(The dig)

(Haven city)

(The dig)

(Haven city)

(Kina)

(Haven city)

(Klæbu)

(Haven city)

(Sandover village (which was destroyed like 200 years ago))

(Ivalice)

Jak: I love that train!

Montblanc: what the hell is that red thingy Kupo?

Marche: I don't know, kupo

Montblanc: eyh! Only moogles say kupo! Kupo!

Marche: sorry kupo

Daxter: can we go back now? Kupo?

Jak: fine, we'll go back

(Washington DC)

Daxter and Well: JAK!

Jak: sorry Kupo

Montblanc: damn you, stop saying that, kupo (goes back to Ivalice)

(Haven City)

Daxter: finally, I'm getting sick of all this driving

Well: me too

Jak: (jumps back into the air train)

Daxter: why did I care to save that guy?

(Hell)

(Smurf land)

(Gobi desert)

(Tatooine)

(Oslo)

(Another place in Oslo)

(Somewhere in Kypros)

(Are you getting tired of reading this?)

(My room)

Zakura: hey! Don't break the wall man!

Jak: sorry (thinking) a talking rabbit?

(Underground HQ)

Torn: (isn't wearing any t-shirt (SURPRISE!) he is naked at the upper part of the body) nice of you to stop by, but I'd prefer you didn't break the wall you bastard

Jak: sorry, I won't do it again, just let me park this train (backs of with the air train before he crashes again) okay, after this time I won't do it again (crashes again) ok, this time I'm really leaving (crashes)

Torn: aw! Just leave the damn air train, I'll remove it later

Well: moron

Torn: Daxter, Well and I have been working our asses of trying to save the city and you're just driving around in an air train?

Jak: jepp. Like your shirt by the way

Torn: (ignores Jak's pointless compliment) I can't understand why I don't fire you! I shouldn't even let you join the underground in the first place!

Daxter: I know why! According to this web-page you've got a crush on Jak!

Torn: (hits Daxter in the head)

Well: I don't even dare to say anything

Torn: (hits Well)

Jak: hm, seems more like you got a crush on Daxter and Well

Torn: AAARGH! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY! (Runs away crying)

Jak: o.k

Daxter: love can be so confusing sometimes

**Ms.Ef: Guess what web-page Daxter was reading!**

**Zakura: ?**

**Ms.Ef: no… let the readers guess, remember to review boys and girls**


	19. Jak and Kor asks questions

**Miss. EcofreakDo you know what's great about writing parodys? I don't have to worry about writers block because it's practically the same as I played on my ps2 only with way more jokes. That also means I can udate it much more often than my other story and it's much more fun to write:) It shortens time untill christmas and possible Jak3 as well:) In this chapter you will get to see Ashelins favorite spot... at a t-shirt stand of course, she's the one giving out t-shirts to anyone. **

**WARNING: this chapter contains a bad word, okay, maybe more, but it also contains what mr Mackey from South Park calls "The worst word that you can say". remember to not say this perticular word in front of your parents... the smartest would probably be to not say it at all;) **

**Zakura: what word? you mean fuck?**

**Miss Ecofreak: so while I'm washing this rabbit's mouth enjoy chapter 19 of Dork 2, Recless driving (where the title means nothing at all:p)**

**Zakura: noo! not the soap! blub!**

**CHAPTER 19**

**JAK AND THE METALHE… KOR ASKS QUESTIONS**

(Ashelin's t-shirt-stand)

Jak: hi Ashelin

Ashelin: well if it isn't Well… ehm…eh, Jak and Daxter?

Jak: looks like it. What are you doing?

Ashelin: I'm just standing around giving away t-shirts hoping I won't be attacked by a metalhead.

Vin's ecotanker: (crashes)

Ashelin: eyh

The metalheads, Irene and June: (jumps out and attacks)

Daxter: double-eyh! A metalhead sneak attack!

Ashelin: then we'd better kill them (kills Irene)

Jak: (kills June)

Well: (kills a mosquito)

Ashelin: (to Well) thanks, I'm allergic to mosquitoes. (Gives Well a large kiss) the metalheads are getting bolder every day, I hope they won't get into the city

Daxter: they just did that you crazy bitch! (Gets shot) ouch!

Ashelin: don't call me bitch you beach creature. I really hope the metalheads have a spy inside the city that can destroy our eco-shield

Kor: no. If they do we are pretty screwed.

Jak: eyh!  
Kor: is that your favourite word or something?  
Jak: what are you doing here?

Kor: I asked you first

Jak: fine. Eyh is not my favourite word; it's my favourite number fifteen. I can't say my real favourite word when the kid's here.

Daxter: **(bad language alert)** his favourite word is fuck

Jak:** (bad language alert)** fuck you Daxter!

The kid: (thinking) that was a nice word. I want to use that when I learn how to talk

Kor:** (bad language alert)** how did fuck become your favourite word?

Jak: hey! My turn to get an answer you notmetalheadleader

Kor: fine. I came to get this t-shirt (shows a t-shirt saying "I love metalheads")

June: like your shirt boss (dies for real)

Jak: **(bad language alert)** ok. I don't remember how fuck became my favourite word but… hey! Haven't I been trough this before?

Daxter: don't start that again

Krew, the world's fattest P in communicator: Jak! I need help!

Jak: what's up Fatty?

Krew, the world's fattest caller: I'm not Fatty. I'm Krew. But as we're talking about Praxis… Fatty. He just placed alot of listening devices in the port! My keiralike client… yes Erol, she's pretty… my keiralike clien… shout up Erol! ... She says you're pretty good on jetboard. Maybe you can use it to destroy the thingies… DAMN IT EROL! GET YOUR OWN DAMN BEER!

(The port)

Jak: (destroys the thingies)

Krew, the world's fattest criminal: (waits outside the bar) great work Jak!

Erol: HICK! Hello? Aren't anyone supposed to serve me beer? HICK!  
Krew, the world's fattest civilian: CIVILIAN GUY! ARE YOU SLEEPING ON THE JOB AGAIN?

Civilian Guy: zzzzzzzzzzz. Eh. What? No, I'm just… resting my eyes.

Krew, the world's fattest idiot: oh… I thought you were sleeping. Sorry, my mistake.


	20. Friendly uncle Jak, his friendly zoomer ...

**Update time. And I see I've got some more reviews too, so I should probably start answering, anyone who says this is funny: thank you.**

**And to Rew Hawk Ksani:**

**Who made up that rule? it's really annoying. But I'll take your advice and try to rewrite the story in non-script format. I've already rewritten chapters 1-3, they are mostly the same as before just not in script. By the way red Hawk, is that what happened to the old Survivor? Cause I really loved that story!**

**Spelling and grammas is hard. I do write the whole thing on microsoft word, the problem is it's not always helping, another thing is that the dictionary constantly changes from english to norwegian. I even have a dictionary (book) at the desk so that I can look up difficult words.**

**And stop telling me what's going to happen in Jak3! I might get it tomorow (knowing this will probably not turn up at the page untill then), and I don't want the ending spoiled.**

**And now: rewritten in non-script-format to prevent the story from being deleted, I give you chapter 20.**

**CHAPTER 20**

**KIND UNCLE JAK, HIS FRIENDLY ZOOMER AND BRUTTER THE TEDDYLURKER**

The friends walked in to the Hip Hog Heaven later known as the Naughty Ottsel along with Krew, the world's fattest slave driver.

"Good work with those listening devices Jackie" Krew said, "I've got a new project going and I don't need a bunch of crimson guards sneaking around my business. It's bad enough having to cope with him" he added in a whisper, pointing towards Erol who was still sitting by the counter.

"I spent all night preparing those things HICK!" the commander cried, "More beer!"

"Do you want me to get rid of him for you?" Jak asked Krew.

"You do that and you're dead!" Civilian Guy said, he was busy filming Erol drinking, "If he keeps this up we will all be in Guinness world records!"

"Get that camera out of my face and give me some beer! HICK!" Erol complained.

"Isn't Guinness World Records a human book?" Daxter asked the random waiter.

"Sure thing, it's about time an elf managed to break a record" Civilian answered.

"I've got another job for you Jak" Krew, the world's fattest bottle of beer said, "An associate of mine, Butter, works with me in the forced labour trade"

"That was the ugliest word I've ever heard, don't you mean the slave trade?" Jak asked.

"I prefer freedom challenged" Krew, the world's fattest exclamation mark, said. "That was even uglier" Jak answered.

Krew, the world's fattest slave ignored Jak's compliments and kept talking "lurkers are the city's low class labour force" he said, "Brutter pays me handsomely to help him free the lurkers. It feels so good helping those in need. And I need his money!"

"You've got a bad imagination" Daxter said, "A lot of what you've said in this chapter is the same as in Jak2 Renegade"

"No it isn't" Krew with the world's worst imagination said, suddenly he noticed Tess wasn't working, "Hey! Back to work toots!" he said to her.

"But I'm in the shower!" Tess shouted from the bathroom.

"I need a beer! HICK!" Erol said.

"That's good, just keep drinking" Civilian Guy said, completely forgetting to give Erol the drink he wanted.

"You know what beach ball? I'm scared of lurkers" said Daxter.

The world's fattest lurker, Krew, looked at the world's most annoying ottsel, Daxter, with a puzzled expression, "I thought you were scared of rats?" he asked.

"That's number two on my list of most scary things. Lurkers are number one" Daxter answered.

"Where does metalheads stand on that list?" Well asked.

"Number five" was the answer.

"And number three and four?" Jak asked.

"Number four is Dark Jak, number three is Torn, and number six is you!" Daxter said, pointing his fuzzy finger at Jak.

"Cool, I'm mentioned twice!" Jak said.

"If you save those lurkerteddies I'll give you weapons" Krew, the world's fattest animal welfare agent said, handing Jak a weapon upgrade of some sort.

"Come on Daxter, lets go save the lurker…teddies" Jak said, accepting the upgrade with a foolish smile.

Jak, Daxter and Well…ehm…eh stole a zoomer and drove around in the city looking for lurkers.

"LOOK! There's one!" Jak shouted, pointing at a zoomer carrying a large cage with a lurker inside.

Jak shoot the zoomer to small pieces using his blaster so the cage broke and the lurker jumped out.

Jak hovered lower to the ground, "Come on lurkerteddy, and hop aboard on kind uncle Jak's friendly zoomer.

The lurkerteddy jumped aboard on kind uncle Jak's friendly zoomer, and friendly uncle Jak drove his friendly zoomer towards Brutter's fish-shop.

Brutter the lurker met them outside the shop.

"Thanks for saving lurkerteddies" he said and kissed Daxter.

"Let go of me!" Daxter said, jumping out of Brutter's hands, "Sorry buddy, it was not meant to be"

"Brutter pay you back one random day. You see" Brutter said.

"You're welcome" kind uncle Jak said.

"Hey kind uncle Jak! Now that we've got some time of and we've done some really cool stuff, let's go find some ladies so we can brag about it!" Well said.

"Sounds like a great idea! We can og visit the keiralike girl!" Daxter said, "She'll be so sorry she didn't let us enter her racing theme"  
"Yeah, lets do that" kind uncle Jak said before turning towards the author, "Will you please stop that "kind uncle Jak" thing?"

"So, can we go?" Well asked,

"Sure thing flut-flut" mean aunt Jak said and jumped aboard his friendly zoomer, "EYH!" he said to me before taking of.

**Zakura: Well's a moron, why did you let him in to the story?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: cause he's a moron, he's funny**

**Zakura: but he makes the story look like a joke!**

**Miss. Ecofreak: it is a joke you stupid rabbit! keep reviewing guys.**


	21. Kind aunt Keira and the fluffy class 3 r...

**Update time. I haven't written as much as I usually have this last few days because it's christmas and I have been to busy playing (dare I say it?) Jak3! It's mine now! finally! I've gotten quite far too considering I've only had it for a few days. **

**Zakura: I really hope you won't forget to feed me now that you've got a new toy**

**Miss. Ecofreak: huh? did you say something rabbit?**

**Zakura: forget it. Since miss playstationfreak here is too busy breaking kg-bots and killing metalheads I guess I'll have to intruduce this new chapter. In my opinion it's the very best of Dork2, cause I'll appear in it:) My stepmom (miss.Ecofreak) liked it a lot too, she said once that she really liked this scene in the game because Jak and Keira finally found each other again. **

**Miss. Ecofreak: damn! lost it again!**

**Zakura: fine... just keep on reading and review and I'll give you chapter 21! and let's hope miss Ecofreak beats Jak3 soon so she can write more on this story**

**Miss. Ecofreak: not to mention I'll get started on Dork3.**

**CHAPTER 21**

**KIND AUNT KEIRA AND THE FLUFFY CLASS 3-RACE**

Finally the three friends made it to the stadium.

They walked in to the garage where the keiralike woman was still working on her riftriderlike machine singing a memories-like song.

"We destroyed the listening devices in the docks" Jak said as he entered.

"Great, I'm gonna hit you in the head with a large hammer" the keiralike woman said sarcastically, "Can't you go anywhere else to brag?"

"Are you always this difficult?" Jak asked.

"Yes" the keiralike woman answered.

"Let me handle this Jak" Daxter said, "Let a guy who's known how to talk for more than two weeks. Listen keiralike lady! We've beat your stupid course, and we can outrace anybody in this city!"

"You can? Wow! You guys are the best!" the keiralike girl answered, sounding impressed.

"And there are just two things you need to know" Daxter continued, "1. You've got an ugly voice! 2. We don't want to race against that drunken race-champion of yours, let's go Jak"

But as they were about to leave, the keiralike girl pulled the curtain away, revealing she was actually Keira, wearing a t-shirt which had a wanted-poster of Jak printed on it.

"Little ugly rat-dude! It is you!" she said.

"You? No, that's not possible, it was Snape who…" Daxter began before realising this was not Harry Potter.

"I never thought I'd be so glad to see your furry mug!" Keira said, "And Jak, you sound different"

"How come?" Jak asked.

"You sound. You never did that before" kind aunt Keira said, and then she turned to the author. "Why are you calling me kind aunt Keira?"

"She's evil" Jak answered before he was attacked by a killer rabbit.

"Ugly pumped the boy here full of dark eco" Daxter said, "And it did something to him, now he transforms into a terrifying monster whenever someone mentions Tinky Vinky"

And with that, Jak transformed into Dark Jak.

Keira ignored the fact that her boyfriend had just changed into a monster and asked: "Why Tinky Vinky?"

"That "biiig huuug" thing drives me nuts" Dark Jak answered.

"I've been looking for you two forever!" Keira said.

"Two years may be a bit more accurate" Dark Jak answered, "but we've seen your father! Sort of"

Keira just looked at them, guess what expression she had!

"He's working with the underground and fighting the baron!" Daxter said, "But he's well…"

"He's me?" Well asked.

Daxter just looked at him and said "no, jerk".

"What are you talking about?" Keira asked.

"Your father! You know, Samos" Dark Jak answered.

"Oh, that old man" said Keira.

"You need to go see him, and I need to get to Ugly" said Dark Jak.

"Well, you could try winning the class one racing championship, the winner of that bit race always gets to see Ugly at the castle" said Keira.

"Thanks, I knew that!" said Dark Jak.

"But Jak, we should think about getting out of here! I don't like this period of time, and some of the new characters are creepy" Keira said.

Dark Jak the demon just looked at her with a creepy expression (hah! Thought I'd day puzzled now did you?).

Suddenly Olga the announcer said in a speaker "Attention all drivers, the class three race starts now".

"Sounds like fun. Can I try?" Dark Jak asked.

"Sure" said Keira.

Dark Jak became so happy he changed back to Jak again. Then he went racing and won because all the other drivers were killed by a killer rabbit.

"Wow, that was the shortest race I have ever seen" Daxter said.

"But you haven't seen these races before?" Keira asked.

"No, but it was damn short anyway" Daxter answered.

Then Ashelin came in the door.

"Hi Jak, great race today" she said.

"He wouldn't have won if I weren't there" Zakura said while she was chewing on the bones of Jak's competitors.

"Thanks Ashelin. By the way, Keira. This is Ashelin, Ugly's daughter and the most famous woman in the town" Jak said.

"Gee, I didn't know" Keira said.

"And this is Keira. A good friend…" Jak began before Keira interrupted him, "A damn good friend" she said.

"Nice to meet you" Ashelin said smiling.

Keira just glared at her, this damn celebrity couldn't take a hint.

"By the way Jak" Ashelin said ignoring Keira who had taken Jak's morph gun and was now aiming at Ashelin with it, "The crimson guards, Jack, Beanstalk and Erol are looking for you. Rest of the guards are looking as well but there are many names."

"Really? Why are they looking for me?" Jak asked.

Ashelin ignored him, Daxter and Well suspected she had turned deaf and blind cause there where two people in the room wanting attention, not to mention the meat-eating rabbit who was sitting on Keira's desk.

But no, Ashelin just kept talking, "You should ignore Erol. I can't protect you from him".

"I am ignoring him. Erol is a damn drunk" said Jak.

"Sure he is" Ashelin said, "But he's also commander of the crimson guards and quite nuts"

"Quite nuts?" Daxter asked, "He's a loon!"

"Yeah, who knows what he might do" Well said.  
"I know what he might do, he'll sit in the Hip Hog drinking" Daxter said.

"You're right. That's exactly why I asked you to ignore him" Ashelin said.

"Well, he is a good racer" Keira said.

"Even though he's got a constant hangover" Jak said.

"Erol never has a hangover, he's drunk all the time" said Well.

**Zakura: wonder if Ashelin is playing Jak3 as well**

**Miss. Ecofreak: how come? **

**Zakura: she can't see anything that's going on around her, just like you when you're playing. **

**Miss. Ecofreak: oh come on, I'm not that inattentive. Besides Ashelin couldn't have played Jak3 she didn't have a playstation!**

**Zakura: what? did you say something? I'm just testing out this very intresting game and you're right, Daxter is cute.**

**Miss. Ecofreak: femalerabbits.**


	22. Whatever

**Miss. Ecofreak: what? no reviews for chapter 21? I feel so alone!**

**Zakura: you uploaded chapter 21 three minutes ago.**

**Miss. Ecofreak: I did?**

**Zakura: yes! gee, all since you got that Jak3-game you have been so inattentive**

**Miss. Ecofreak: huh?**

**Zakura: let's just stop the authors note here**

**CHAPTER 22**

**JAK FINDS A STATUE AND A RUBY KEY AND EROL MAKES FUN OF HIM WHICH MAKES JAK A BIT SAD AND THE AUTHOR SPENDS ALL THE TIME, SHE COULD HAVE SPENT WRITING ON HER STORY, WRITING AN ANNOYING LONG CHAPTER-HEADLINE.**

"We're back!" Jak said as the trio entered Hip Hog Heaven, later known as the Naughty Ottsel.

"Good. You came just in time. I've got another job for you" Krew, the world's fattest crimson guard said.

Erol said "HICK", a very rare word coming from him.

"See? He's always drunk" Well said just to emphasise his last comment in the last chapter.

"Five years ago I "borrowed" a statue of Mar from the local museum" Krew, the world's fattest jerk said.

"Funny. HICK! Exactly the same statue was stolen five years ago" said Erol, "What a weird coincidence. HICK!"

Daxter crawled up at Krew's floating chair and whispered in his ear"Aren't you worried about talking about crimes in front of the crimson guard commander?"

"Nope. He's constantly drunk anyway" Krew, the world's fattest Santa Claus said.

"I'm no punk! HICK!" Erol said.

Krew, the world's fattest thing ignored Erol and told the friends how he lost the statue "The thing is, as I was smuggling the statue through the sewers a terrible rain storm came and the statue and four of my men drowned"

"That's terrible" Jak said.

"I know they were my best friends" Krew, the world's fattest elephant said crying.

"Not that. That statue must be worth a fortune! And you lost it?" Jak said sounding shocked.

"HICK" said Erol.

"Sure. Why don't you go find the statue and bring back the ruby key he was holding?" Krew, the world's fattest bomb said.

"Sure" Jak said before walking down into the sewers, got the key, and came back again, "Here's the key fat man" he said.

"Thank you. You are the fastest elf I've ever seen" Krew, the world's fattest guy with anorexia said and petted Jak on the back.

"But that won't help you win any races HICK!" Erol said.

"Oh. I'm so sad" said Jak.

"Me too" Daxter said.

"But if speed can't help us, what are we going to do?" Well asked.

"Suicide?" Erol suggested.

Unfortunately for him, nobody committed suicide in this chapter, but just wait, maybe somebody will in a later chapter.

**Zakura: "Perhaps somebody will in a later chapter"? what is that supposed to mean? is it another spoiler again?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: maybe, If you had played Jak2 before you might know what it meant.**

**Random guy who has played Jak2: I've played Jak2 and it still doesen't make sence. If you mean the part where (censored) hits that (censored) you should know (censored) did not die, (censored) is still alive in Jak3**

**Miss. Ecofreak: I know, I've seen (censored) in the game. And I already knew (censored) was alive before I played it too, but stop spoiling! Maybe some of the readers here haven't played Jak3 yet.**

**Zakura: don't worry, I've censored the person's name and death cause**

**Miss. Ecofreak: good rabbit. keep reading and reviewing folks.**


	23. Paranoid Vin

**Miss. Ecofreak: well isn't this a silly chapter?**

**Zakura: all the chapters are silly. Actually none of your stories on this page make any sense.**

**Miss. Ecofreak: what? What about growing up in Haven City? that's not a humor story?**

**Zakura: no, but according to one of your reviewers...**

**Miss. Ecofreak: one of three reviewers on that story**

**Zakura: ... your story doesn't fit in with the Jak3-storyline.**

**Miss. Ecofreak: Fine, but at least it's still not all jokes. Like this chapter.**

**CHAPTER 23**

**PARANOID VIN**

After being teased by Erol the happy three friends go the power station where Vin (once again) were in trouble.  
"Jak! We are in trouble!" Vin shouted, see? Told you. "I think the baron set me up! Actually, I think everyone's trying to kill me.

Jak hid his morph gun behind his back, "what are you talking about?" he asked.

"You know these eco wells the baron had us drill?" Vin said.

"No, you never told me about those" Jak said.  
"Anyway. He told us to make them but he never plugged them in to the city shield! That doesn't make sense!" Vin shouted.

"That doesn't matter, nothing in this story makes sense" said Well.

"But the open wells are going to attract more metalheads!" Vin said.

"Shit!" Jak said before he ran out and blew them all up.

"Danger is over" Jak said as he returned.

"Thank the precursors. But I'm still nervous. I think someone's trying to kill me!" Vin said and all the assassins hid behind his machines.

Jak hid his morph gun again "what?" he said.

Well put his rock back into his pocket "why?" he asked.

Civilian guy put away his bottle of poison, "relax man" he said.

The kid hid his large a-bomb in his dog's mouth, "" he said.

Erol hid his… beer, "HICK!" he said.

Daxter tossed his water balloon out of the window, "you're just paranoid" he said.

Kor hid his large deadly tail, "and for good reason" he said.

"Where did you come from?" Jak asked.

"I came from Rock village. I grew up there along with my mom, my dad, my four younger sisters and fourteen older brothers. When I was fourteen I went exploring and discovered…" Kor explained and his nose started growing.

"Whatever. Why does Vin have a good reason to be paranoid?" Jak asked.

"Because he's damn annoying" Kor answered.

"Oh, that's why" Jak said, "Do you need help you extremlyniceandcan'tpossiblebeevil old man?"

"Actually yes" Kor said, "The crimson guards, Harry, Ron and Neville (must not be mistaken for characters of another story) have been sent to pick up a load of ill-gotten eco. Can you please go out at the drill platform an shoot them? Shadow will send a team from the underground to pick up the eco later. MUHAHAHA!"

"Shoot things?" Jak asked.

"Shoot elves Jak" said Daxter.

"Sounds like fun. Will it be lots of blood?" Jak asked.

"Probably" Well answered.

"Awesome, let's do it!" Jak said.

They jumped through the warp gate and reached the drill platform.

There they found this odd thing with canons on it; they sat down at the one seat in it (Jak sat on the seat with Daxter and Well on his shoulder)

"Let's kill those ugly guards!" Jak said as the good-looking Neville crimson guard flew by.

"… Let's kill him too" Jak said and shoot Neville.

As Neville died blood came out and hit the window of their canon-thingy.

Jak who loved blood… threw up.

Then suddenly lots of guards appeared. (I hate this mission; I've been stuck here in Hero Mode since forever!)

"Shit" Jak said and puked again.

"Get out of the seat sick-kid, let me drive" Daxter said and took the gear and shoot all the guards.

"Great job Daxter!" Well cheered.

"Yeah, that was… bleuf!" Jak said and puked again.

"I'm really good at this. I'm the one who shoots when Jak drives his zoomer, right Jak?" Daxter said.

Jak opened his mouth to say something but all that came out was his lunch.

"He agrees with me" Daxter announced.

"Oh oh, more guards" Well said.

Even more guards appeared followed by a tanker ship.

"There's a star cruiser!" Daxter shouted.

Jak and Well looked at him with a puzzled expression before Jak had to turn away and puke again.

"Fine, it's not really a star cruiser. But we've got to destroy it!" Daxter said and shot down the tanker ship and the guards around it.

Jak puked.

"Man, here comes more of them" Well said.

"Don't worry, I've got it handled" Daxter said.

**To be continued**

**Miss. Ecofreak: will Daxter make it? Will Jak ever recover? Is Vin going to get killed by metalheads, Jak or the assasins in his lab? Will the next chapter be star wars-related? Tune in to the next chapter of Dork2. Chapter 24/Star wars episode 7. Last return of the jedi!**


	24. Last return of the jedi

**Miss. Ecofreak: Welcome back and thank you for all the wonderful reviews.**

**Zakura: gee, I'm shocked. You actually left the playstation.**

**Miss. Ecofreak: yeah... well**

**Zakura: what? You got the game like four days ago, don't tell me you finished it already?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: (giggles)**

**Zakura: I don't believe it. You finished a game all alone before you little brother!**

**Miss. Ecofreak: I know, it's amazing! And Red Hawk, what you said about the precursors, you were right, I really didn't see that one coming.**

**Zakura: It looked like something you could have written.**

**Miss. Ecofreak: yeah well, I have just started writing Dork3, it will be uploaded as soon as I'm done uploading Dork2. It is finished, it has 44 chapters (so this might take a while) and it's currently norwegian and in script-format. So I still have some serious rewriting to do.**

**Zakura: That's why she started writing Dork 3 in english and in story format.**

**Miss. Ecofreak: this chapter has some star wars in it (see the chapter name?), I guess I should say that I don't own Star Wars, only a dvd of episode two. And man, I've beaten Jak3**

**Zakura: I think they know that by now**

**Miss. Ecofreak: yeah, and since I won't be updating Growing up in Haven City untill i finish translating the next chapter (it takes some time, sorry) I really hope some of the readers of it reads this: I hadn't gotten Jak3 when i started that story so Jak's family is a bit... different. I don't plan to change this because it would take to much time and I would have to rewrite the entire story (and my plans for the sequel)! I will make the rest of it more true to the story but what's in the past is done. But now, here's Chapter 24**

**CHAPTER 24/STAR WARS EPISODE 7**

**LAST RETURN OF THE JEDI**

Jak was still sick and puked out of the window on their canon-thing.

"Come on, what's so sick about that?" Daxter asked.

"Can we go home now?" Jak asked before puking once again.

"They're coming for us!" Well shouted.

Daxter shot and killed twentythirty of the guards, "twentythirty?" he said confused, "twentythirty?? Who writes these things?"  
"I DO!" Miss. Ecofreak shouted before dropping a large anvil in Daxter's head.

"Ouch. Remind me to never make fun of the author again." Daxter said while rubbing his head.

"There are more of them!" Well shouted.

"Stop puking at the seat Jak, it's disgusting!" Daxter complained.

"Just shoot okay?" Jak answered.

Daxter shot the last guards, "Yes! The starcruiser is destroyed! Now for the death star!" Daxter said.

"This isn't star wars you idiot" Jak said and puked.

"Fine! I'll do it without you" Daxter said, he jumped into his cool x-wing fighter and disappeared into space.

"What the…?" Jak said before he… you know.

"Oh no, there's more of them!" Well said.

"What do we do? What do we do?" Jak cried.

Suddenly the Millennium Falcon appeared out of the blue and shot down all the guards.

"Thank you!" Well shouted up.

Han Solo appeared on top of the ship, "No problem" he said.

Chewbacca who was standing next to him roared.

"We would like to stay and chat but we've got to rescue princess Leia from Darth Vader" Luke Skywalker said before the ship flew away.

"Bye!" Well shouted.

Jak took out his peacemaker and shot down the Millennium Falcon.

"Hey" Well complained.

"I'm sick of this star wars-nonsense!" Jak said, "Let's get Daxter and go back"

"How are we going to do that? Daxter is out in space" Well said.

Jak shot a bullet up in the air.

Suddenly the x-wing fighter came down, it's wing had fallen of.

"IIIIIIII'MMMMM FAAAAALLLIIIIIING!" Daxter cried.

Jak grabbed the ottsel's tail at his way down.

"Come on ugly little rat-dude. Let's go back to Haven" he said, sounding very angry.

"But… what about Leia?" Daxter asked.

Jak aimed his blaster on Daxter's head, "I said: let's go back to Haven" he said.

So they went back to Haven and Jak shot Civilian Guy.

"Can't people even go to a costume party without being shot in this town?" Civilian Guy asked.

"Not as long as you're wearing that costume" Daxter said, "You should have chosen something else than princess Leia."

"Besides Star Wars is finished, I just killed the main characters" Jak told him.

"Okay" Civilian Guy said before he walked away, slowly.

"Where was he going? I only wanted to become his friend" Jak said.

Well and Daxter Walked away, slowly.

"Don't even think about it!" Jak said before grabbing his friends by tail and beard.

"Hey! Let go of my beard!" Daxter cried.

"Ouch! Ouch! My tail!" Well cried.

"Now isn't this weird?" Jak said smiling.

**Miss. Ecofreak: that was that chapter. Please review and I might keep writing.**

**Zakura: and if you don't she would still keep writing**

**Miss. Ecofreak: shut up! Ok... she's right. but revew anyway please:)**


	25. A gift from Brutter

**Miss. Ecofreak: New chapter and new reviews, happy times:)**

**Zakura: k'sani says the rewriting may take some time. seeing that you've got over 40 chapters**

**Miss. Ecofreak: well, yeah, that is a problem. But I love writing this story, it's a lot more fun than writing GIHC**

**Zakura: GIHC?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: Growing up in Haven City. This will be updated soon though, (today really) but writing Dork2 is just so much easier.**

**Zakura: besides, Dork2 is actually finished to isn't it?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: the norwegian version is done. I have even started the sequel**

**Zakura: didn't you actually start the sequel to Growing up before you wrote the first story?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: hey! why do you keep talking about Growing up? this is the authors note for Dork2!**

**Zakura: fine. Well this is the chapter where Jak and hisfriends gets a gift from Brutter**

**Miss. Ecofreak: since the chapter is labeled "A gift from Brutter" that's quite obvouis isn't it?**

**Zakura: what the heck, just read and review**

**Miss. Ecofreak: I'm saying that! Read and review boys and girls.**

**CHAPTER 26**

**A GIFT FROM BRUTTER**

Jak, Daxter and Well were at the Hip Hog Heaven, later known as the Naughty Ottsel.

"I've killed a lot of metalheads!" Daxter bragged.

"Great, why don't you go out to Haven Forest and kill some camouflaged metalheads out there?" Sig asked.

Daxter ran out the door, half an hour later he returned.

"Metalheads killed" he said.

"Wow" Jak said.

"Got another task for me? I'm kind of bored" Daxter said.

"Wow wow" Jak said.

"I don't have any jobs for you" Sig answered, "But you've got a sms"

"Wow wow wow" Jak said.

Daxter picked up his crappy nokia cell phone and read the sms, "It's from Brutter. He's got a gift for us" he said.

"Wow wow wow wow" Jak said.

"He says it's a piece of Mar's seal. It's on his door" Daxter said.

"Wow wow wow wow wow" Jak said.

"Stop it!" Daxter yelled.

Jak shrunk himself, "wow" he almost whispered.

Outside Brutter's house they found a nice shining thing which would be important for a later mission.

"What a nice thing" Jak said.

"Look out! There's the crimson guards!" Daxter shouted.

"Don't I get to say anything in this chapter?" Well asked.

"Inhabitants!" You the crimson guard yelled (remember him?)

"Who cares? We have to find the eco freak" his friend Jack said and they both left.

"So… what do we do with this thing?" Jak asked.

"Onin knows!" Well said.

"How are you so sure?" Daxter asked.

"I read it on that sign" Well answered and pointed at a sign which actually exists in Jak2's Haven City.

**Zakura: it does?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: yup. I went on the internett and found the precursor alphabet, with it I was able to translate many of the signs around in Haven City, like that one which says "Onin Knows", I've even noticed that a lot of precursor artefacts in the Jak and Daxter world says Life, and the writing on the orbs say "Naughty dog"**

**Zakura: why isn't it called Naughty Rabbit? Wouldn't that be much cooler**

**Daxter: or Naughty Ottsel**

**Zakura: where did you come from?**

**Daxter: from the Naughty ottsel.**

**Miss. Ecofreak: whatever. let's finish this so I can update this story and Growing up in Haven City today.**


	26. Legend of Mar's tomb

**Miss. Ecofreak: welcome back**

**Zakura: Hey! you have changed you pen name!**

**Miss. Ecofreak the dark ottsel: I didn't change it, I just added three words. It looks cooler this way:) anyway, are there any new reviews I should know about?**

**Zakura: mostly reviews saying "funny funny funny", which hopefully is a good thing, and Dark Mar comments Cornelius' gift for his brother (ands review to Miss. Ecofreak)**

**Miss. Ecofreak: (reads review) what's so funny about that? I can't remember saying Cornelius wanted to give a gift to child/teenage Erol. Even thouhg they both grew older they are still brother (whether Cornelius likesit or not) So when Cornelius plans to get a gift for his brother I mean his adoult brother (whom in GIH is in his early twenties in Jak2). There's no reason to fear the universe will implode because if that so be not afraid and tanks for the review;)**

**CHAPTER 26**

**THE LEGEND OF MAR'S TOMB**

In Onins tent Jak and his friends med Shadow again.

"The birdbrain and I were just talking about you Jak" Shadow said.

"Birbrain? Hey! My name is Pecker moron!" Pecker said, "And Jak. Onin says you must find Mar's tomb"

"Why? Is he going to be buried again?" Jak asked.

"No moron. The fabled precursor stone is hidden innside the tomb!" Pecker said,"Praxis is looking for the tomb but only the true heir of Mar can open it"

"That's gotta be me!" Well said.

"Jerk. The little brat is the only one who can open the tomb!" Said Pecker, "He alone must face the tests of manhood!"

"Manhood? He's just a kid!" Daxter said.

"So? When I was his age I visited the metalhead nest" Jak said.

"Why haven't you said that before?" Daxter asked.

"I never talked before" Jak answered.

"You must go out to the dig and find a piece of Mar's tomb" Shadow said.

"Jay! More driving the air train!" Jak said and ran towards the port.

"Can we do that again?" Jak asked as soon as he got out of the air train.

"No. let's just find the seal piece and go home" Daxter said, they found the seal piece and went home.

"Boring!" Jak said.

**Zakura: this chapter was short**

**Miss. Ecofreak: it certanly was. I'll make up for that by uploading chapter 27 right away**

**Zakura: (rolls her eyes) as if you've never uploaded two/three/four/five chapters at once before**


	27. Ugly's new car

**Miss. Ecofreak: oh no, we've reached a very difficult level**

**Zakura: I thouhgt Destroy the tanker ship was the worst?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: it is, but I suffered a long time on Destroy five hellcats as well. Still, this is dork2, missions which are usually difficult only end up being stupid like the rest. In this chapter Torn explains why he is always wearing stupid shirts**

**Zakura: about time**

**CHAPTER 27**

**UGLY'S NEW CAR**

Jak was still quite grumpy as he entered the underground hideout.

Daxter became grumpy when he saw Torn's t-shirt.

"Damn what an ugly shirt!" he said.

Torn, who was currently wearing a t-shirt saying "I like to talk about the baron because he's the best thing that have ever happened to this city".

"Who cares about the t-shirt?" Torn asked, "Fatty is really pissed of at you do you know that?"  
"I don't like to talk about him" Jak answered.

"WILL YOU STOP ANSWERING MY T-SHIRT-WRITINGS?" Torn shouted, "Fatty is really pissed of at you do you know that?"

"He is? Why?" Jak asked.

"Don't play that innocent tone with me kid. He's bought in new hellcat cruisers and made the streets dangerous for the underground. I've already lost five men and a woman this week" Torn said.

"That's terrible! Six elves have died?" Jak said.

"No. I've just misplaced them and don't know where they are" Torn answered.

"Have you looked under the couch?" Well asked.

"I've looked everywhere! Even in Ashelin's closet" Torn answered.

"Maybe they've just run away" Daxter suggested, "Maybe they dislike your shirt"

"What's wrong with it? Is it drity?" Torn asked.

"No. But I find it qiute annoying that the second in comand in an organisation working against the baron is wearing a shirt which seems to have been stolen from the barons fan club" Daxter said.

"Oh, that. I've tried telling Ashelin but everytime I try to throw one at the sea she gives me a new one!" Torn said and threw his shirt at the sea.

"You could try wearing another shirt" Jak said.

"I could try" Torn said and pulled a new shirt over his head, this one had a text saying "Jak3 is the best game ever"

Suddenly Ashelin came in and pulled another shirt over the new one with a text saying "I never throw shirts at sea is they have nice sayings about Praxis on them"

"See your problem" Jak said.

Then Ashelin pulled a shirt saying "Erol is a nice guy" over Jak's head.

"Hey" Jak said.

"Why don't we just ignore the shirt for a second and find a way to destroy Fatty's new car" Torn said.

"The limo or the hellcats?" Jak asked.

"What do you think?" Torn said sounding annoyed.

Later in Fatt… Praxis' palace.

"Bad news Fatty! HICK!" Erol said running in and touched the floor with the back of his head.

"What? Is the Hip Hog out of beer again?" Praxis asked.

"If it was I wouldn't be drunk would I? HICK" Erol asked and touched the floor with his butt,"There's something wrong with your limo"  
"So fix it! Wasn't that new girlfriend of yours a mechanic?" Praxis asked.

"She is, but it's been…eh… stolen HICK" Erol said and was unable to stand.

"Stolen? Why didn't you just say that?" Praxis said.

"Ehm. It's not entirely stolen HICK!" Erol said.

"What is that supposed to mean? Are you drunk?" Praxis asked.

"No. I mean yes. But I know what I saw! HICK!" Erol said. He was still on the flour because he was sick of falling.

Praxis just looked at Erol with a puzzled expression and walked up to the window to see.

He saw the limo outside his door, at least the lower parts of it.

"Oh no! Half of my limo is stolen!" he cried, "Where is the upper parts?"

"If I knew that I hadn't been lying here on the floor would I? HICK" Erol said.

"I bet it's the underground! Most likely that eco freak. He's probably going to remove the limo piece by piece until I get rid of the hellcats!" Praxis said shivering.

"But you will never to that will you boss? HICK!" Erol said.

"ARE YOU NUTS? I love that limo! Send a message to Torn and Shadow and tell them I'll get rid of all the crimson guard zoomers if they ask Jak to give me back my limo!" Praxis said.

"Shit! HICK!" Erol said and on his way out he fell over 231 times. He really needed a zoomer or else he would break his bones by falling all the time.

In the underground HQ Torn was very pleased about the news (for some reason Erol had walked into their hideout to give them the news and now he was lying on their floor)

"Good job! Fatty has gotten rid of all the zoomers!" Torn said.

"I had been happy if you got rid of you t-shirts. Why are you suddenly wearing a new one?" Daxter asked.

And sure enough, Torn's t-shirt now said "Praxis is the new messias"

"Not really, I tried to turn the new one inside out and this was on the inside" Torn said.

"Like your t-shirt HICK!" Erol said to Jak.

Jak took the t-shirt Ashelin had given him earlier and tied it around Erol's head.

**Miss. Ecofreak: is lying really the correct way to tell Erol was on the floor? I looked up in the dictionary and it said it was right but according to Microsoft word lying is the same as being dishonest. I know that must be correct too, but can it mean both?**

**Zakura: You think to much**

**Miss. Ecofreak: easy for you to say, you never learned how to read**

**Zakura: in that case, how come I always read your reviews?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: because I made you do it. in real life you won't even talk to me but I made you talk for my authors note so I could have someone to talk to**

**Zakura: makes sense... not**


	28. The seal is complete

**Miss. Ecofreak: wow, I've gotten 39 reviews for this story! That's the most of reviews I've ever got!**

**Zakura: not surprising since the other two only got one and seven**

**Miss. Ecofreak: right. Thanks for the reviews, and Lepinez, thanks for the tip, maybe I'll write that on Torn's shirt. Unfortunately he doesen't appear so much in the end of this story. I got a bit sad when I wrote the last chatpers and I figured I couldn't write as many funny shirts for him.**

**I've always liked Torn's shirts the best, I don't know why but I find them much more amusing than the ones on Keira and Samos.**

**Zakura: perhaps it's because Torn doesn't mean what's on the shirts. He hates the baron!**

**Miss. Ecofreak: exactly! On to the next chapter. This is the chapter where... ehm... Mar's seal is complete. just read.**

**CHAPTER 28**

**THE SEAL IS COMPLETE**

"You see the future right?" Civilian Guy asked Onin, "So tell me, will I ever be free from all these maniacs who shoot at me?"  
Onin waved her arms.

"Onin says: sure you will" Pecker translated.

Civilian Guy started dancing.

"…When you die" Pecker finished.

Civilian stopped dancing, if it was because of Pecker's info or the fact that he was shoot in his foot was unsure.

"Get out star wars-lover! No it's our turn" Jak said.

"Nice of you to drop by" said Kor who of some reason was standing next to Onin. "Pecker and I were just talking about Samos' plan. Don't you think it's ridiculous to think that little Jak will be able to defeat me… the metalhead leader?"  
"It sounds completely ridiculous" Jak answered, "That is unless the leader is in fact you who just disguise yourself as an elf. If that's true then he'll be no match at all".

Kor glared at him for an unknown reason.

"Onin says your voice is very familiar" Pecker said, "I bet you two golden oldies go way back in time what?"  
"What is that supposed to mean?" Kor asked after kicking Jak in the foot for an unknown reason.

"You're male, she's female? What more do I have to say?" Pecker asked, "Anyway Jak."

Little Jak came in.

"I was talking to the tall one, Shorty!" Pecker said imitating a precursor oracle's voice for some reason.

The kid glared at Pecker.

"What do you want?" Jak, the tall one, asked.

"Onin says you've shown you strength and courage" Pecker said while trying to avoid the kid's kicks, "Now you must show your brains as well. Personally, I think she expects too much from you but I'm not an old blind lady who waves her arms making everyone believe her crazy talk."

"What do I need to do?" Jak asked.

"Just answer me these questions three before the other side you see… I mean you get the last piece of the seal" Pecker said.

"Ask me the questions bridge keeper… I mean last piece of the seal keeper. I'm not afraid" Jak said.

"Why do you bring a stupid ottsel here?" Pecker asked.

"He's my buddy" Jak answered.

"Why is your hair yellow?" Pecker asked.

"Because it would look stupid in pink" Jak answered.

"What is Krew's keiralike client's real name?" Pecker answered.

Jak thought for a moment, that was a really difficult question for someone as stupid as him.

But finally he answered "Mimi?"

Suddenly Keira came in and shoot Jak with a water gun; she was wearing a t-shirt saying "I like it when Jak remembers my name"

The water made Jak remember.

"Keira is the answer" he answered.

"That's correct! You win four one-way tickets to the wasteland and this ugly piece of the seal" Pecker said giving Jak the tickets and the seal piece.

"Finally! The last piece of the puzzle!" Jak said putting the three pieces together.

Jak looked at it for a moment.

"What am I supposed to do with this piece of crap?" He asked.

"Take the seal to Haven Forest" Pecker said, "There you will find an old door which leads to an ancient light tower. Onin says the three thingies you found earlier in the fic will activate the tower. If you find out where to place them which I doubt you will".

"When can we go into Mar's tomb?" Jak asked.

"You can't! only the kid can enter the tomb" Pecker said, "You can't enter unless the oracle says the kid is to young and starts closing the door but you take you ottsel and your lep… flut-flut and sneak under the door in the last moment and then face the tests of manhood and find the stone. But that is impossible of course"

Then Jak went and did all the stuff Pecker said above

"Okay…" Pecker said.

**Miss. Ecofreak: poor kid. he couldn't go face the manhood tests**

**Zakura: might just be good. He would have died anyway. How old is he really?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: don't know. Very young indeed. I usually make him around four but other writers make hin aroung eight or six, I just like to make him as young as possible**

**Zakura: well, it's stupid anyway. but that was all we had for today. don't forget to review**

**Miss. Ecofreak: Hey! I'm the author here!**


	29. Jak's friends are stolen and the precurs...

**Miss. Ecofreak: Another day, another chapter upload. are there more reviews too rabbit?**

**Zakura: not as long as you don't say my name right.**

**Miss. Ecofreak: Zakura! are there any more reviews?**

**Zakura: yepp.**

**Miss. Ecofreak: thank you. Let me just repeat what I said in the last chapter because Lepinez sideshow wondered why I was sad. Torn does not appear as often in the last act of the game, so I can't write all his funny t-shirts! There are at least two new shirts to be rewealed and the next one (appearing in this chapter) I liked very much.. just read and you will se. As for Eco girl, yes, the stone you see next to the place where you meet Ashelin has the seal of Mar on it, the same as with the kid's amulet and I think even the precursor stone has it (why? I don't know)**

**Zakura: Do you have to answer all those who simply say "Funny" and stuff like that too?  
**

**Miss. Ecofreak: sure. everyone who says "Funny" and stuff like that, thanks for the review**

**Zakura: fine! can we go on with the story now? and ehm... I think you may have made a mistake with that title**

**Miss. Ecofreak: really?what's wrong with it?**

**Zakura: Please! You've got to se that this chapter's name is ridicolus!**

**Miss. Ecofreak: sure, cause nothing else is (rolls her eyes)**

**CHAPTER 29**

**JAK'S FRIENDS ARE STOLEN AND THE PRECURSOR STONE IS IN JAIL**

After Jak had managed to break into Mar's tomb, Shadow (who was currently wearing a t-shirt saying "Praxis are stupid"), Kor (who was wearing a blue robe) and the kid (who was naked) were standing outside looking at the door.

"What a stupid head" Kor said, "He's gone to face the test!"  
"Freeze!" John the crimson guard said aiming his single gun at them (all three of them, odd)

Inside Mar's tomb Jak had passed the tests but the author was too lazy to write it and was no standing in front of the precursor stone along with Well and Daxter.

"What a nice rock" Daxter said.  
"That's not a rock!" said the oracle, "It's the precursor stone you good-looking moron"

"Sorry" Daxter said and started crying to emphasise he really was sorry.

Then Praxis came in with his newly repaired flying thingy.

"Move it good-looking idiots! I want that rock!" he said and used the large claws on the flying thing to grab the stone.

"It's a stone! A stone! Why won't anyone listen to me?!" the oracle cried as Praxis removed the stone/rock.

"Get your dirty hands of that stone! It was never meant for you!" Jak yelled.

"It weren't meant for you either" Praxis mentioned.

"… whatever. GET YOUR HANDS OF IT ANYWAY!" Jak cried.

But Praxis ignored Jak and flew out with the stone.

"Damn fellow. He's stolen the stone, Shadow, Tess and the kid!" Jak said.

"Why Tess?" Daxter asked.

"You know, I've always wondered that myself" Miss. Ecofreak said.

"What is that brown female ottsel doing here?" Daxter asked.

"You certainly ask a lot" Zakura replied.

"This is getting weird" Jak said. "Why don't we just ignore the rabbit and the dark ottsel for a moment and find a way to get into Ugly's fortress!"

"No way! Nobody can break into the fortress!" Daxter said.

Jak looked at Daxter with an odd expression (no, not puzzled)

"Okay… nobody except a two feet tall ottsel. But I can't save them all! And seeing that the author is called "The dark ottsel" I doubt she will help" Daxter said.

"Now what?" Well asked.

"Let's go to the HQ. Maybe Torn's got a good plan" Jak said.

So they all went to HQ to see if Torn had a good plan.

But he didn't, all he did was sitting in the corner looking miserable, Jak and his friends decided not to ask why.

"How did Ugly know we were so close to the stone?" Jak asked his friends.

"It's my fault" Torn said from the corner.

He was wearing a t-shirt saying "Praxis must die and burn in you-know-where… Kyoto" (where did you think he would burn?)

"That's impossible!" Daxter said,"Especially because you are now wearing a more positive t-shirt"  
"Oh well, I seem to have lost my other shirts" Torn said and whistled innocently.

"Why is it your fault Ugly stole our friends?" Jak asked.

"Fatty threatened to give me more t-shirts! I couldn't risk that, even for the underground" Torn answered.

"You have my full sympathy" Daxter said, crying.

"There might be a way to save our friends. If you could break into the fortress…"  
"Fine!" Daxter interrupted.

"Didn't you just say it was impossible?" Jak asked his friend.

"Yeah. But I suddenly realised, if they still have the same guards as last time, how hard could it be?" Daxter said.

And indeed, it was the same guards.

"INHABITANTS!" Foolhead the crimson guard said.

"Oh no, not you too!" Kim said (the same Kim as last time).

"What? There's nothing funny about saying inhabitants. They are inhabitants aren't they?" Foolhead said.

"Yes, they are inhabitants. But people just wouldn't care much if you warned them about some completely random people!" Kim said.

"But… where are they now?" Foolhead said.

Well, Foolhead, Jak, Daxter and Well…ehm…eh were in the prison area where Jak had been tortured earlier.

Suddenly all the doors opened.

"How come the doors are suddenly opened? Escape from this place is easy!" Jak said.

"Then how come you waited two years?" Well asked.

"I was hoping if I stayed around longer I would be saved by my dad, I called him but he didn't answer" Jak said.

"You've never met your father" Daxter commented.

"I don't? Forgot about that" Jak answered.

Suddenly Tess ran out of one of the cells.

"Daxter! My hero!" she said and picked up Daxter to kiss him.

"BOO!" Jak shouted and interrupted the kissing, (Like Daxter did at the end of precursor legacy)  
Daxter glared at Jak.

"Think of it as revenge" Jak said, and walked over to Shadow's cell, "Samos? Are you alright?"  
Suddenly old Samos came out of the cell wearing a t-shirt saying "Mar is much prettier than these ugly cells) along with the Shadow/young Samos who was wearing a t-shirt saying "I agree, Praxis makes ugly prison cells".

"What took you so long? I've already read out all the magazines at this ugly place!" old Samos said.

Jak looked at them both with a surprised look.

"There's two of them!" Daxter cried and hid behind Samos' log, "HELP ME SAMOS! THERE ARE TWO SAMOSES HERE!"

"There are? I can only see one" SHadow said, and then he noticed the mirror.

"Hey! The ottsel is right! It appears I have an older time twin" he said, "I can't believe what a senile old fool I become!"  
"I'm not more senile old fool than you are!" Samos answered.

"Listen, can't we just get out of here? This place gives met he creeps" Jak said while looking towards the steel bed with the torture devices over it. "I always fear Tinky Vinky is going to appear."  
Then he changed into Dark Jak which he always did when someone said that name out loud.

"Jak! You are different!" Samos said.

"I am? How come?" Dark Jak asked.

"You talk!" Samos answered.

"Oh… can we go now?" Dark Jak asked.

"Sounds like a smart idea. Vin's activated that portal!" Well said.

"Why didn't we use that to get in?" Daxter asked.

"Never mind that. Let's just go before we are attacked by crimson guards" Dark Jak said before they were attacked by crimson guards. "Too late" he said.

"Let's go anyway" Daxter said, and Samos (who's head Daxter was sitting on) jumped through the portal.

All the others except the crimson guards and those who weren't there jumped after them.

**Zakura: poor Torn. nobody can survive all those t-shirts**

**Miss. Ecofreak: So right. That was all for this chapter guys. Remember to leave a review and I'll be happy**

**Zakura: and that's a reward in itself.**


	30. I think we've got a problem

**Zakura: welcome back to a new chapter of Dork 2!**

**Miss. Ecofreak: hey! don't steal my lines!**

**Zakura: I can't see anything in the "Therms of use" which says a pet can't present a chapter**

**Miss. Ecofreak: whatever. Have I gotten any reviews?**

**Zakura: quite a few**

**Miss. Ecofreak: thank you. **

**Lets first answer ShadesOfBlood. Actually I didn't know how Tinky Winky was spelled in norwegian eihter (giggles) I only knew her name from that song the teletubbies always sing.**

**And ChibiSess, Tinky Winky is from the teletubbies, I haven't seen any norwegian tv-channel which shows Barney (not that I actually feel like seeing it) so I have absolutely no idea of what that other thingy you are talking about is.**

**And that last t-shirt is a joke, like anything else in Dork2 and 3 (whenever that gets uploaded) I just figured it might be fun for Torn to wear a "I hate Praxis"-shirt when he actually turned out to be spying for the baron. (if you find that one confusing, just wait and see what I planned for Keira in the last race). **

**Zakura: can we start now? I want to see what their little problem is**

**Miss. Ecofreak: knowing me it's probably t-shirt-related (laughs)**

**CHAPTER 30**

**SOMETHING TELLS ME WE'VE GOT A LITTLE PROBLEM HERE**

Later, at the underground HQ.

Samos was wearing a t-shirt saying "I think Mar is the nicest person ever although I have never met him" while Shadow was wearing a wet t-shirt saying "Praxis is mean! He stole my toy! Boohooooo!"

"The baron wants us killed" Samos said.

"He does? Why?" Jak asked.

"I think we should kick his ass" Shadow said.

"I agree" Jak said.

"Were I nuts? We have to find the kid!" Samos said.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea either" Jak said.

"What am I talking about? The kid already opened the tomb" Shadow said.

"You've got a point there" Jak said.

"And? He's Mar's heir god damnit!" Samos said.

"Yeah… that too" Jak said.

"I'm confused" said Well.

"I've got an idea, why don't we kill the blast bots outside who's coming towards us to kill us" Daxter said.

"That's the best idea I've ever heard!" Jak said and ran out to destroy Ulf and Peer blast bot.

"Why the hell do Ugly name all his things?" Jak asked as he came back after destroying the bots.

Shadow, who was wearing a new t-shirt saying "the baorn is silly don't you think?" answered: "The baron loves his stuff. Therefore he name them"

"Yes" Jak said, answering the t-shirt.

**Zakura: now what happened there? Jak walked out for a few minutes and Shadow has already changed t-shirt**

**Miss. Ecofreak: He sure did. I used that joke in the comic version once too, Civilian Guy appeared in one scene wearing a red jumper with funny writings on it which changed from picture to picture.**

**Zakura: why didn't you add it in the story?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: too lazy. Review folks!**


	31. Class two race

**Miss. Ecofreak: another funny chapter. what more can I say?**

**Zakrua: thanks for the reviews?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: good idea! thanks for the reviews folks, keep it up. **

**Anyway, this chapter is about the class two race and Jak and his friend having a friendly conversation with... just read.**

**CHAPTER 31**

**THE CLASS TWO RACE**

The class two race was about to begin so Jak, Daxter and Well went to the stadium to visit Keira.

But Keira wasn't there.

"Anybody home?" Jak asked.

"Keira's out shopping" Erol said, "HICK!"

"Ok, I'll just wait here until she returns then" Jak said and sat down on a chair and started drinking tea.

Daxter decided to start a conversation with Erol for some reason.

"So, what have you been doing the last few days?" he asked.

"Well, I've been HICK drinking, HICK drinking, HICK and drinking some more" Erol said.

"I've been running amok with deadly weapons" Jak said.

"Someone must do that as HICK well" Erol said.

"Are you here to see the race?" Well asked.

"I though I might stay and watch, EROL!" Hick said.

"There's something wrong with that sentence" Jak said.

"What? Are HICK you insulting me?" Erol asked.

"As a matter of fact… I do" Jak said.

"I hate you. Now I'm going to walk away and sulk" Erol said and walked away to sulk but on the way… he fell over.

Then Samos and Keira came in, Keira was wearing a t-shirt saying "Jak's the best racer I've ever seen" while Samos had one which said "Mar's the best city-founder I've ever not seen"

"Erol's the best racer I've ever seen" Keira said, confusing everyone who read her t-shirt.

"Thanks, HICK! Could you please help me get up?" Erol asked from the floor.

Jak ignored Erol (of course Jak ignores Erol), "That was not nice said! I'm going to run out and sulk!" he said and ran out crying.

Keira ignored Erol as well, "Damn!" she said, "Who's going to drive in the class 2 race now that Jak is outside sulking?"

"I can do it HICK!" Erol said.

"Thanks for the offer, but having his worst rival drive instead of him sounds like a bad idea" Keira said as the smart girl she is.

"Damn, can you help me up then?" Erol asked.

But Keira just went back to ignoring him. "You two has to drive for the team!" she said to Well and Daxter.

"Who? Us?" Daxter said.

"I can't drive. You see, I'm a bird" Well said.

"Ok, But you're no leprechaun or a bird Daxter" Keira said, "You must drive"

"Why me?" Daxter asked.

"Because if you don't I'm going to let you stay here and talk to my dad" said Keira.

"I'll drive" Daxter said.

Then he drove in the race and won because all of the other racers died a slow and painful death because of a broken leg.

As Daxter came back, Erol who had been lying on the floor for fourteen minutes shouted "NOW I HAVE BEEN LYING HERE FOR FOURTEEN BLOODY MINUTES! HICK! CAN'T ANYONE HELP ME UP?"

"Nope" Keira said before turning to Daxter, "Daxter! You won!"  
"You sure did!" Tess said and kissed Daxter.

"Hah! I got my first kiss before Jak did" Daxter said.

"Great race Dax" Jak said wiping a tear of his face.

"Thank you" Daxter said.

"Can we go visit he fat man now?" Well asked.

And so they did.


	32. Three annoying men

**Miss. Ecofreak: As I'm writing this I'm nearing the end of a very good day. At school I got to see a couple of very small parrots (newborn dwarfparrots), one was born Monday, the other one today (I think:)) Plus I finally found the manga book I've been looking for since December, Naruto Volume five.**

**Zakura: I got my name from that one!**

**Miss. Ecofreak: and now I get to update Dork2 again.**

**Zakura: and you changed your pen-name again**

**Miss. Ecofreak: I've always wanted to call myself Dark Precursor, I just wasn't sure how to make room for it, so I wrote it all on one word.**

**Zakura: nice. So what randomness have you written this time?**

**Miss. Ecofreak: something stupid and full of spoilers as usual, and also this is the first time in the dork-series you get to meet Jinx, who is even more friendly and not to mentionnice than he is in Jak2 and 3**

**Zakura: right...**

**CHAPTER 35**

**THREE ANNOYING MEN**

At the Hip Hog Heaven, later known as the Naughty Ottsel Erol had finally managed to get up.

"Ouch, it hurts in my back after lying on the floor for that long" he complained.

"Why couldn't you just fall on Keira's bed instead?" Civilian Guy asked.

"Are you nuts? HICK! We're not even engaged!" Erol said shooting Civilian Guy.

Krew, the world's fattest man was sleeping like a baby… a very _ugly_ baby.

Meanwhile Sig was talking to Jak, Daxter and Well.

"You know what? You guys are okay. And since the world's fattest cutie is sleeping like a baby right now…" Sig started before some ottsel interrupted

"Baby?" Daxter said, "Baby you say?"  
"Fine, sleeping like an extremly ugly baby" Sig continued,"I think Krew; the world's fattest king is going to let the metalheads into the city".

"Yeah right" Jak said sarcastically, "That's about as possible as Kor being the metalhead leader and the kid being me as a little kid!"

"And me getting pants" Daxter said.

"And me being a leprechaun. You're nuts Sig" Well said.

"Shhj! He's waking up" Sig whispered.

"Euuuuw, now he's even uglier" Daxter said.

Krew, the world's fattest Jak was indeed waking up, and as soon as he was awake he came over to Jak, "Jak! Can you do me a favour?" He asked.

Jak stared at Krew, the worlds fattest being-stared-at for a long time until: "Fine" he said.

"I need you to escort some of my men down to visit that statue again" Krew, looks like Barney the dinosaur said.

"Why?" Jak asked.

"Cause they're too afraid to go alone" Krew, the world's fattest A explained.

Jak: fine, since I get two thousand dollars for it I can go" Jak said.

"Hey! I only get two thousand…" Daxter started.

"But that's what I'm getting too?" Jak said sounding confused.

"…cent" Daxter finished.

"Oh… I'm not going anywhere before Daxter gets just as much money as I do" Jak said.

"Fine, you'll get one cent each" Krew, the world's fattest… whatever said.

"Great!" Jak said, "Finally we're equal"

"But now we're getting less" Well said.

"We do?" Jak asked and took out a calculator.

After staring at it long and hard he took out the instructions booklet.

"I don't get it" he said, putting away the Chinese instructions booklet, taking out an elfish one.

"No…" he said, he took out "calculator for starters", read trough it, didn't get it, found "calculator for dummies", still didn't get it, he read "calculator for Jak" (another word for "extra stupid") and finally he managed to use the calculator.

"Okay. We got less" he said.

"You said you wanted the same amount of money, you didn't say you wanted more. Now get out!" Krew, the world's fattest canoe said and Jak got out.

"He sure is a hard dealer" Daxter said.

Down in the sewers they met a nice kind friendly man named Jinx.

"There you are! I was afraid we had to go home and watch TV!" he yelled as Jak and co came in.

"But I like TV" his friend Mog said.

"Shut up Mog" Jinx said.

"So… are we going or what?" Jak asked.

"Shut up Jak" Jinx said.

"Hm. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship" Jak thought.

So they all went down in the sewers too…

"SHUT UP!" Jinx yelled.

Spitfire.

Finally after a lot of "shut up" they reached the statue.

"Now what?" Daxter asked.

"Now we're going to blow up this ugly statue" Jinx said and blew up the ugly statue.

"Damn. I bet the sculptor who made that statue is going to die of sorrow" Jak said.

"Shut up!" Jinx said, "The sculptor died years ago, when the statue was stolen"

"It was stolen once?" Well asked.

"Shut up Well…ehm…eh" Jinx said.

"You don't even remember my name?" Well asked and cried.

"Your name is Well…ehm…eh" Daxter said.

"Daxter, I don't know if someone ever said this to you before but… SHUT THE HELL UP!" Jinx yelled.

"NO actually, I've never heard that phrase" Daxter said.

"Probably because you talk to loud to hear it" Jak said.

"Is it possible to get some peace and quiet around here????" Jinx asked.

"Hey! I just noticed something. This chapter is called "three annoying men" where is the third?" Well asked.

"You are the annoying men! The third guy couldn't come because Miss. Ecofreak didn't remember his name. Now shut up!" Jinx said.

"You know what Jinx? You're a nice guy" Jak said.

Jinx screamed.

"Jinx is my idol" Mog said and tried to copy Jinx's voice, "Shut up! Ha ha"

"SHUUUUT UUUUP!" Jinx yelled before he ran away crying.

"Hey Jinx! You forgot the heart of Mar gem!" Jak yelled after him.

Jinx came back, grabbed the gem and ran back out.

"Bye Jinx. Hope we meet again sometime" Jak said.

"Shut up Jak!" a voice far away yelled.

**Miss.Ecofreak: Doesn't Jinx sound like the kindest elf ever?**

**Zakura: I would rather befriend an orc.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: you do that, as for all my wonderful and just-as-nice-as-Jinx(not) readers, please review:)**


	33. Jak is a quick driver

**Miss.Ecofreak: welcome back and thanks for all the lovely reviews. It's good to see there are more Naruto-fans out there too:)**

**Zakura: Naruto? what about Sakura? Aren't there any Sakurafans out there???**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I am**

**Zakura: thanks, but your not "out" there, you're in the living room**

**Miss.Ecofreak: whatever. Let's just start the chapter**

**CHAPTER 33**

**JAK IS A QUICK DRIVER**

At Hip Hog Heaven later known as the Naughty Ottsel, the real nauhgty ottsel was being petted by Tess.

"Isn't he cute?" Tess asked.

"Keira is cuter" Jak stated.

"I agree HICK!" Erol said.

"At least we agree on one thing. But she probably likes me the best" Jak said.

"Are you nuts? Do you think she would fall for an alcoholic like yourself? HICK!" Erol asked.

"It's more likely than her falling for an alcoholic like you" Jak said.

"I drive better than you!" Erol said, and then he said "HICK!" which surprised… no one.

"Don't the crimson guards ever take you in for drunken driving?" Jak asked.

"Of HICK not. I'm their boss!" Erol said.

"No really? I never would have guessed" Jak said, seeing that he had spend two years in his prison it was quite surprising that he had never figured out Erol's position.

"Hey! Keep drinking! We'll never get in the records book when you're sitting here arguing with Jak!" Civilian Guy said.

"I could beat a record in arguing HICK!" Erol said.

"Great idea!" Civilian said and called Guinness World Records.

"Do you think Keira likes you better because you rule the idiot guards?" Jak asked.

"Nope, she liked me because I'm best! HIcK!" Erol said.

"Best in what? Drinking?" Jak asked.

"Eating?" Well asked.

"Ruining a good day?" Daxter asked.

"Shooting the waiter?" Civilian asked.

"Find make-up in bottles?" Tess asked.

"Sneaking away from work?" Torn (who was wearing a t-shirt saying"I love the baron because his guards sneak away from their work") asked.

"What are you doing here?" Jak asked Torn.

"Watching you arguing" Torn said while he ate more popcorn.

Jak stared at Torn's shirt, "Fine…" he said.

Then he continued asking what Erol was best in.

"Being a moron?" Jak asked.

"Being stupid?" Erol asked.

"Being a complete idiot?" Keira asked.

"Being fat?" baron Praxis asked.

"Reading?" Zakura asked.

"Coming back from the dead?" Miss. Ecofreak asked.

"Being nuts?" Cornelius asked.

"Yes. All of that" Erol said.

Everyone looked at Erol with an odd expression.

"…Hick" Erol said.

"Phew, I was afraid you were getting sick" Cornelius said.

Then everyone took Cornelius to the hospital because he cared for his brother, a clear sign of insanity.

When they were back Jak and Erol kept arguing.

"I know one thing you're not best in, that's racing!" Jak said.

"Wanna bet? Let's take a HICK race" Erol said.

And so they did.

"Here we are again guys. To comment the race between the city's chaos champion Jak and the city's drunken champion of everything, Erol" Anne said.

"You again?" Jak asked.

"Yes, we again. And they're of!" Arne said.

Jak was cutting his toenails.

"I said: and they're of!" Arne repeated.

"What? Oh, the race!" Jak said and jumpe don his zoomer.

"You'll never catch me ecoHICK!" Erol shouted after him.

"My nickname is ecofreak! Not ecohick!" Jak yelled back.

"Look at them go, Erol crashes, and crashes, and crashes… damn, what's the matter with this guy?" Anne asked.

"He's drunk. But Jak drives perfectly!" Arne said.  
"If you ignore the fact that a snail just passed him" Anne said.

Suddenly Erol's zoomer exploded.

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" he shouted.

Jak walked up to Erol's zoomer and quickly hid the bomb, "Prove it!" he said.

"I hate you" Erol said, (you know he hasn't had anything to drink since he started driving)

"I don't like you either. Wow! We've got so much in common!" Jak said.

**Zakura: WOW! HISTORIC MOMENT!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: what's wrong Zak?**

**Zakura: EROL WAS SOBER!**

**Everyone: GASP!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: GASP!**

**Zakura: THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!**


	34. Oh well, this works fine

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay we're online again**

**Zakura: Don't think anyone really cares, at the rate you're updating people can hardly finish reading the chapter before a new one appears**

**Miss.Ecofreak: in that case they're slow readers, I don't usually update more than once a day**

**Zakura: It was just an example, you update like all the time!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well I like to write parodys, and it feels stupid just having the chapters on the computer without uloading them. But enough of that, have I go any intersting reviews?**

**Zakura: the same as always, people sais its funny and... this one says it's not as funny as the previus chapters but still good.**

**Miss. Ecofreak: oh yeah, about that, Malik Ming? You've already saidthat before.I don't mean to be offensive or anything but I was just wondering why you send in almost the same comment twice... And yeah, I guess it's not always easy write all super-funny all the time sosome jokes might be a bit lame from time to time, not to mention that the story was originally written with a lot of jokes which just doesn't work in english, one of these still remains and thats the intruders/inhabitants-joke. In the norwegian version there was even more confusing words and sayings which never made it to the translations. sad but true.**

**Zakura: And what non-norwegian guy do you think would have heard of the thundercoaster?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: someone who has visited Tusenfryd maybe? But now, with no further ado, I give you, the amazing, the incredibly stupid, the...**

**Zakura: just start the chapter already!**

**CHAPTER 34**

**OH WELL, THIS WORKS FINE**

As Jak is doing his victory dance, Daxter receives and MMS.

"Awesome! Samos has sent me an MMS! It has a picture of an odd seed we have to get for him" Daxter said, "It's in his old hut"

"Cool" Well said.  
"Yes! Let's go to Disney land and try out the Space Mountain!" Jak said.

"Great idea!" Daxter said.

And so they did.

"That was awesome! Next time we've got to try the Thundercoaster!" Jak said. **(A/N: Thundercoaster is a roller Coaster in Norway in case you didn't know)**

"And visit Ireland" Daxter said. **(A/N: Ireland is close to England in case you haven't done your geography homework)**

"I've got this feeling we have forgotten something" Jak said.

"Yes. Something important, about a seed" Daxter said.

"I know! Let's plant threes on the wasteland!" Jak said.

And so they did.

"That was so much fun" Well said.

"So right flut-flut-boy. We've got to do that again sometime right Jak?" Daxter said.

Jak was too busy thinking of Keira to even notice, "Huh? What? Did you say something Dorkster? I mean Daxter?"

"Yes I did. We've got to do that again sometime right Jak?" Daxter repeated.

"Sure" Jak said.

Suddenly Samos (the old one) came in wearing a t-shirt saying "Mar makes great fudge".

"Guys! You've got to find the life seed or Onin will never be able to charge it so young Samos can learn to talk to the trees and find out Praxis plans to destroy the precursor stone which causes the entire universe to explode so you will get a good reason to kick his ass?"

"Are we getting a good reason to kick Ugly's ass? Is that what you're saying?" Jak asked.

"Yes I did say that" Samos said.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Jak said, grabbing Well and Daxter before he ran out.

In Dead Town the friends saw some inhabitants dancing and having a good time.

"Hold on a sec! This is Dead Town! You're supposed to be dead!" Jak said.

"Oh. Sorry, we forgot" the inhabitants said and died.

Jak and Daxter found Samos' hut while Well got lost for no reason.

"Yuck, this was dirty! Who cleaned here last? Cause they did a bad job!" Daxter said.  
"Eh… you did" Jak said.

"On the other hand it's quite pretty" Daxter said.

"Look, there's the ugly seed!" Jak said pointing at an ugly seed in the corner.

"Nice. Let's take it to Onin so she can charge it and I can kick Pecker's ass" Daxter said.

"And so that I can kick Ugly's ass" Jak said.

"And I can kick Phoenix's ass" Well said.

**Miss. Ecofreak: just a small piece of information about Well's last line there, Phoenix appears in my other story, Growing up in Haven City as Eorl's flut-flut.**

**Zakura: a little joke which plays on Well's mental disorder, he thinks he's a flut'flut and so he wants to challenge Phoenix... He's done for**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I hope you liked that chapter folks, please review and be not afraid, I will update, some day.**

**Zakura: possibly tomorrow or the day after that.**

**Miss. Ecofreak: er... right.**


	35. Class one race

**Miss.Ecofreak: So we're back again**

**Zakura: told you it wouldn't take long**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Right. And for all of you who fear Civilian Guy's record attemt will fail because of a moment of sober-ness, you're absolutely wrong. Erol may have been sober for about five minutes but shortly after he walked back to the bar (he could have used his zoomer if Jak hadn't blown it up) and got himself drunk again**

**Cornelius: let's just hope he gets so drunk that he kills himself in the class one race**

**Miss.Ecofreak: you can dream**

**CHAPTER 35**

**THE CLASS ONE RACE**

But Keira did not have the answer, all she had was a t-shirt saying "Jak2 is the second best game in the world", and a riftrider.

"Hi guys! Look what I have made!" she said showing them the riftrider.

"What the hell is that?" Well asked.

"It's an exact replica of our crashed riftrider! I made it all thanks to my huge intelligence" Keira said and hid a book behind her back, the book was called"How to build an exact replica of your crashed riftrider.

"That's my girl!" said Samos, who was wearing a t-shirt saying "Mar is smart, but not as smart as her"

"But I'm still missing two parts!" Keira said.

"Damn" her father said.

"I know where those missing parts are Keira! Krew has them!" Jak said.

"How can you tell? I haven't even told what parts there are yet" Keira said puzzled.

"No. But I'm psychic" Jak said and hid a book behind his back called "What parts Keira is missing"

"The class one race begins now!" a computer voice said, "So if you fell like kicking Ugly's butt and show that drunken ass Erol you're better than him in racing now's your chance!"

"Wow! Now is my chance to buy me some food!" Jak said.

"You can't go now! The class one race begins and this time I don't want to race!" Daxter said.

"Me neither. But you better keep us alive or I'll never speak to you again!" Well said.

"That's my line!" Daxter yelled.

"Fine. I'll keep you both alive" Jak said.

"Hey! How come we can't comment the races?" Anne asked.

"That's life" was the answer from Arne.

"Welcome to the race!" Baron Praxis said, "Though I don't see why you try, you'll never defeat that drunk ass Erol anyway"

"That's right. Hey! HICK! Drunk ass?" Erol said.

And so the race started and Jak won because Erol had spilled dark eco on the track. Apparently Erol died too.

Jak survived because he can take eco better than others, Daxter survived although he was transformed into an ottsel and Well survived simply because he didn't want to die.

"Seems like we won again guys" Jak said.

"Congratulations! Here's a ticket to my palace so you can go home to me and kick my ass!" Praxis said and gave Jak a security pass.

"Thanks Ugly!" Jak said and ran towards the palace.

**Cornelius: DREAMS DO COME TRUE!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: so how was that? You can tell me even if you found it very boring, (there's no use saying it is great if it isn't, but if you say it's funny and it is funny I'll be happy)**

**Zakura: and now, CORNELIUS! GET BACK TO YOUR STORY, THIS IS MU TURF!**

**Cornelius: I'd choose an ottsel over rabbits anyday**

**Daxter: that's the spirit!**

**(All the Jak-characters walk away leaving me and my rabbit alone)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: If you want to figure ut if Erol really is dead, read the next chapter**

**Zakura: if you do, you will not find out, the answer comes in Dork3**


	36. Praxis makes great buns

**Miss.Ecofreak: Finally! update time! **

**Zakura: you waited like two days... terrible**

**Miss.Ecofreak: stop complaining. Any reviews saying my story is really terrible and sucks like (censored)**

**Zakura: no... were you expecting that?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: not really but I had to ask. fine, there's an old review from chapter 34 here wich hadn't come in when I wrote the last chapter. I can answer it now.**

**Jak didn't use the air train to get to Ireland... he used the jet-board**

**Zakura: Ecofreak! you're lying!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay, he proably used the air train. Jak loves the air train!**

**Zakura: and I love bread. Can we start now?**

**CHAPTER 36**

**PRAXIS MAKES GREAT BUNS**

With the security pass there was no problem getting into the baron's palace.

Unfortunately, inside they were stopped by Ashelin.

"Hey! What are you four doing in here?" She asked.

"Er… nothing?" Jak said.

"I came to deliver this beer to Erol" Civilian Guy said, "Isn't he home?"  
"Erol doesn't live here. Besides he's dead" Ashelin said.

Civilian stared at her, "He's what?" he said.

Ashelin ignored the civilian, "What are you doing here then?" She asked Daxter and Well (Jak had already stated his business)

"We came to kick your father's ass; if he opens the precursor stone the explosion will kill all of us!" Daxter said.

"All three of you?" Ashelin asked.

"No, All as in: everyone" Daxter said.

"All as in: Erol" Civilian Guy said (forgetting Erol was already dead)

"All as in: you" Well said.

"All as in: Torn" Jak said.

Finally Ashelin saw the seriousness of the case.

"Will the explosion kill Torn?" she asked,"I have to check this! Take a snack while you're waiting"

Daxter took a bun from the plate on Praxis's living room table.

"Mmm. Torn was right, Praxis _does_ make great buns!" he said.

"Yeah, but Shadow was right too, these muffins are terrible!" Jak said spiting out the muffin he was eating.

"I like your beer" Well said to Civilian Guy.

"Thanks, I made it myself" Civilian replied.

Ashelin came back. "Vin has confirmed what you said is true" She said, "Before he started screaming in panic and fell of his chair, hopefully he suffers serious injury and gets an infection from laying on the dirty floor. Dad's not home right now; he's in a meeting with suspicious people (or one abnormally fat person)"

"When will he be back?" Well asked.

"I don't know that. But he's at a secret weapons factory. Here's a security pass to get you in there" Ashelin said giving them the pass.

"Say, how many security passes do you have? You seem to be giving away a lot in this game" Jak said, commenting what I've always wondered.

"That's okay, want a t-shirt?" Ashelin asked.

"They have already left" Civilian Guy informed her.

"What? How come everyone does that when I want to give them a shirt? Do you want one then?" Ashelin asked.

But Civilian Guy was gone; he had even left his beer behind.

"D'arvit!" Ashelin said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: you know what do to. If you don't, I'll tell you. Press the button down in the left corner which says "Sudmit review" and write what you think about this chapter.**

**Zakura: I think they may have noticed that by now**

**Miss.Ecofreak: sure, but in case they have forgotten it.**


	37. Jak, Daxter and Well quit

**Miss.Ecofreak: Jay! another udate and more reviews! **

**Zakura: (reads reviews) Some say that wasn't your best chapter... wonder what is? And Chibisess asks if Jak saw U2 when he was in Ireland?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I don't know, did you Jak?**

**Jak: no, but I think Daxter saw them**

**Miss.Ecofreak: where is Daxter anyway?**

**Jak: In Ireland to see them again**

**Miss.Ecofreak: o.O fine... **

**CHAPTER 37**

**JAK, DAXTER AND WELL…EHM…EH QUIT**

So Jak and his friends went to the secret weapons factory.

"Look out! Guards!" Daxter said, stating the obvious.

Jak shot the guards before they got time to say "Inhabitants!"

Well threw rocks at them while Civilian Guy helped, by throwing rocks at the large ogre which had appeared out of nowhere.

"Thanks for your help" Jak said to the random person, "Now you can get lost!"

"I would love to, but a crimson guard shot my foot so I can't walk" Civilian Guy said.

He had used one of Ashelins t-shirts (saying "Ratchet is the coolest lombax ever") as a bandage on his right foot although he was hit in the left.

"Well if that's the case you can just stay here and wait for death to come" Jak said and left.

At the roof, Jak, Daxter and Well…ehm…eh met some suspicious people or an abnormally fat person.

"Hey guys!" Krew, the world's fattest bomb maker said, "I've made a bomb which can open the precursor stone!

"Great! And Tess made a gun which can kill you!" Jak said and shot Krew, the world's fattest body who died. **(Ms.EF.TDP: I know Tess doesn't make guns in this game but someone had to make it)**

"That was the easiest boss ever" the player said.

"Great! There's the heart of Mar" Daxter said pointing at the gem which conveniently was placed on a conveniently placed coffee-table, on the roof, now isn't that weird?

"I'd be the happiest flut-flut ever if that bomb wasn't about to explode" Well said pointing at the bomb which indeed was about to explode.

"And that's a bad thing right?" Jak said.

Then Ashelin came driving in her not-my-favourite zoomer.** (Ms.Ef: I hate those; they're slow, hard to control and hard to destroy! (See: destroy the five hellcats))**

"Do you need a lift?" she asked.

"Sure" Jak said and jumped up in the zoomer.

Ashelin drove Jak almost to the Hip Hog Heaven when she suddenly realised she had forgotten Daxter.

So she went back to fetch Daxter and drove back almost to the Hip Hog Heaven when she suddenly realised she had forgotten Well.

So she went back to get Well and the zoomer was getting pretty full and drove almost to the Hip Hog Heaven when she suddenly realised she had forgotten to pick up her son at the children's hospital.

So she drove almost to the children's hospital when she suddenly realised there were no hospitals in Haven City (tragic isn't it?) and she also remembered she was a virgin so her having a son would be pretty weird.

So she drove almost back to the Hip Hog when she remembered she had forgotten…

"CAN'T YOU JUST DROP US OF ALREADY?" Jak yelled.

So Ashelin dropped Jak, Daxter and Well…ehm…eh and then she decided to bring the heart of Mar to Keira (though nobody had ever told her Keira needed it)** (Ms.Ef: they didn't! how did she know? It's insane!!!)**

Jak however, ran inside the Hip Hog Heaven, later known as the Naughty Ottsel before she took out her t-shirt.

"Hey guys" Tess said as they entered.

"Why is Civilian Guy here crying?" Jak asked.

"He misses Erol" Tess said.

Jak didn't really want to know why Civilian was crying, what he really wanted to know was why he was in the Hip Hog when Jak had earlier left him in the weapons factory to die.

"We were so close!" Civilian Guy cried, "He only had four bottles left and we would be in the records book!"

"Yeah. Sad isn't it?" Cornelius asked as he was dancing and planning a funeral party for his hopefully departed brother.

"You know what? Whatever time-map Krew, the world's fattest beer hid in that machine" Tess said pointing at the Wack-a-metalhead-game in the corner, "He looked really fat"

"He always looks fat" Jak commented.

"Whatever time-map it is, Krew, the world's fattest father won't need it anymore he is, shall we say… dead" Daxter said.

"NO! NO MORE PAYMENT!" Civilian Guy cried knocking Erol's beer over.

Erol's spirit was really angry and decided to haunt Civilian Guy till his death… by possessing Jak making him shot Civilian Guy to make him shut up (or Jak might have done that all by himself, but the ghost-story seem much more likely)

"Step aside Jak" Daxter said to his friend who was at the other side of the bar. Daxter walked towards the game, "I'm going to beat this game and get the time map Krew, the world's fattest friend hid in it"

But before Daxter got to the machine, Jak shot it, making the time map fall out.

"…I guess that works as well" Daxter said.

Jak picked up the time map but suddenly he noticed something quite scary behind his old friend.

"Dax, there's a metalhead behind you!" he screamed.

"Yeah right" Daxter said turning around, noticing there was a metalhead behind him, "What the?"  
Jak shot the metalhead.

"Metalheads! Where's Sig when you need him?" he said.

"That's what I wanted say!" Daxter complained.

"Sig? I think…" Tess said before Civilian Guy (who had just woken up after being shot and fainted) interrupted.

"He's in the under-port!" he said.

"Line thief!" Tess said before she stole Jak's bellowed scatter gun (making Jak cry) and used it to shot the civilian so he fainted again and gave the gun back to Jak.

"Don't ever leave me like that again" Jak said hugging his scatter gun.

"Thanks Tess, come on Jak, let's get to the under-port, you to Santa" Daxter said.

"Santa? Where is he? You're not talking about me again are you?" Well asked.

**Miss.Ecofreak: Do you know what always annoyed be as I watched this on the game? Tess and Ashelin said they would bring the heart of Mar and the time map to Keira. BUT NOBODY EVER MENTIONED SHE NEEDED IT!**

**Zakura: maybe Keira had called and asked for them earlier?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: maybe... please review people of Europe, Africa, Australia, Asia and Amerika... in other words, please review earthlings.**


	38. Those damn assasins I hate them

**Zakura: welcome back to the fic and... Ecofreak? why are you crying?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (crying)my jokes aren't as good as they used to be, I've like used up all the good ones**

**Zakura: one negative review and she falls apart completely (rolls her eyes)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (crying) and I wasn't even able to write Amerika, what's with me?**

**Zakura: Now that you know it's written with a c, why did you still say Amerika instead of America?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: old habits die hard. It's written with a K in norwegian, but anyway. (stops crying and goes from very sad to extemely happy) Welcome back to another hopefully hilarious chapter:) Although this chapter shows one thing I really hated about Jak2. VIN! WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE!**

**Zakura: you do realise he's just a CGI? he's not real you know**

**Miss.Ecofreak: neither is Sasuke (Naruto-character)**

**Zakura: but he's still gorgeous (hugs a Sasuke-doll)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: he's not even of your species**

**Zakura: neither is Vin**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I don't like Vin that way, but he's a fun character (Anyone who has played Jak3: I KNOW about the hologram thing, but Vin was so much better in real life)**

**Zakura: I find Sasuke a fun character to!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: ... sure. on with the chapter (This was orignally shorter but I extended it)**

**Zakura: the readers thank you**

**CHAPTER 38**

**FINALLY VIN IS GONE**

At the power station the highly annoying Vin was busy trying to get he shield walls up again

"Shit! The metalheads are going to get me! We're all doomed! ASSASSINS! I AM DOOMED!" He said before the assassins in his office shot and killed the poor guy (**Ms.EF: NOOOOO! Not Vin!)**

"Take that you annoying little freak!" Mort the assassin said.

"Yes! Finally the world is free from that highly annoying foreman!" Bunny the assassin-metalhead said before they were both killed by Miss. Ecofreak and her killer rabbit.

Down in the under-port Jak and his happy two friends found a not-so-happy wastelander.

"Hi guys" Sig said sounding annoyingly enough like Tess, "Do you want to come shoot metalheads?"

"Sounds like fun" Jak said happily and shot the female metalheads.

"Man was I set up!" Sig said as the angry character he was, "Krew, the world's fattest smartass sent me down here to open a few doors with the ruby key and then all these girls appeared!" he pointed, not at the metalheads as you might have thought but at something even more annoying, his fan club.

"IIIIIIIIIII! IT'S SIG!" Sig's fan club screamed.

"How am I going to kill metalheads with them around?" Sig asked.

"I can take them if you want me to" Daxter said.

"Oh Thanks Dax" Sig said.

"IIIIIII! IT'S DAXTER!" Daxter's new fan club screamed and every one of them ran towards Daxter so they could have his autograph.

"Thank god that's over. I was afraid they were going to take my poopsie bear away from me" Sig said.

Jak and Well (Daxter was surrounded my fan girls) looked at Sig with a puzzled expression.

"But enough of that, let's get out of here before we get eaten by a killer rabbit" Sig said before he got eaten by a killer rabbit.

"That can't be good" Jak said.

"What's plan b?" Well said.

"Well, first of all, we need to get Daxter away from Sig's old fan club… then we will have to find out what plan b is" Jak said.

Suddenly a communicator appeared out of nowhere.

"I know what plan b is!" Kor said in the other end, "SAVE MY ASS!"

"Okay. We need to get Daxter away from Sig's old fan club and save Kor's ass" Jak said.

"But how are we going to get the fan girls away?" Well asked.

Jak thought for a moment, and then he got an idea.

A few moments later, Daxter's new fan club was still lying on top of the ottsel until one of them screamed "Look! What an adorable little rabbit!"

So all the fan girls ran over to pet little Zakura and Daxter was finally free.

"Thanks buddy, who would have known that it's so hard to be popular?" Daxter said.

"I already knew that" the half-way choked Zakura said from under the pile of fan girls.

"Come on! Let's go kill Ko… the metal head leader!" Well said.

"Sure, but first we got to save the metal hea… Kor. He might be dying" Jak said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: funny enough for you????? **

**Zakura: relax, you can't make everyone like you**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I guess not. But at least this has to be funnier than the original dork2 (norwegian version), I added the fan club as I translated it and this chapter was shorter, only including the killing of Vin**

**Zakura: who wasnot killed by metalheads as everybody thouhgt he was**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Bunny is a metalhead. but she was also the only one. I remember when I sketched Bunny in the comic once, she looked like a metal-covered bunny with a skull gem**

**Zakura: gotta love the bunnies. Although rabbits are way cuter.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: So, was this funny or do you feel like printing it and flush it down the toilet? if you feel like flushing it, don't, it's a total waste of paper. just review.**


	39. Dead body

**Miss.Ecofreak: welcome back to another pointless update, first I want to give a small comment on the review sent in by Malik Ming. Don't worry, what's the point in review if you can't say your own oppinions**

**Zakura: and whenever she's crying, she's usually faking**

**Miss.Ecofreak: NO I'M NOT! (starts crying)**

**Zakura: see? she did it again**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (stops crying and goes from very sad to very happy once more) enough of that. Have any of you noticed that whenever you killa kg or metalhead, their bodies dissappear... Not this time though.**

**CHAPTER 39**

**DEAD BODY**

After the dramatic escape from the fanatic fans the unhappy three friends decided to go look for Kor at the shopping mall.

To get there they took a shortcut over the construction site.

"I hope we won't get attacked by axe murderers" Daxter said.

"No, or get shot by that alien ship up there" Jak said pointing at an andalite fighter that crashed nearby.

A badly injured andalite came out.

"Help me" the andalite said.

But Jak and co ignored Elfangor (that's the andalite's name) and let the yeerks end his suffering.

"Look! Baron Praxis has Kor!" Well said.

And sure enough, baron Praxis had Kor.

"Yo Kor! Wazzup?" Jak said.

"Ah, I'm fine" Kor said,"Now let me reveal my secret identity and surprise you all so much that you die"

Then suddenly Kor transformed into a giant metalhead.

"No! That's not possible!" Jak said, "It can't be… a male metalhead!"

"That's right! I'm the metalhead leader! And those of you who never noticed that are morons! Now, give me the precursor stone!" Metal Kor yelled at Praxis.

"NO! You can't have it!" Praxis said stubborn.

Then Metal Kor took out his gigantic gun and shoot Praxis.

"I want that stone!" he said and ran away crying.

"UGLY!" Jak cried and ran over to baron Praxis who was lying under a large bullet.

Jak removed the bullet.

"Thanks for saving me, and here I was thinking you wanted to kill me" baron Praxis said.

"Now what makes you think that? Where's the stone?" Jak asked.

"There" Praxis said, pointing at the precursor stone which was lying on the ground where Kor just stood.

"Thanks" Jak said before dropping the bullet on Praxis' head, he's definitely dead now.

"Finally! We got the stone!" Daxter said, he ran over to the precursor stone and put it in Well's pocket.

"Eh? Daxter? You better come look. I think it's still… I mean not alive" Jak said.

"What is it?" Well said as soon as he was done with his victory dance.

"There's a dead body here" Jak said.

"Of course it's a dead body! You didn't expect Praxis to survive having a large bullet fall on him twice did you?" Daxter said.

"That's not the point! Whenever people die in this game their bodies disappear. They don't just lie on the ground" Jak said.

"No, you're right" Daxter said, and they all looked at Praxis' body with a puzzled expression.

An hour later, Torn entered the location wearing a t-shirt saying "Praxis is the best super model ever".

"Hi guys! Are you going to kill Metal Kor or just stay here the whole day?" he asked.

"We're just looking at this dead body with a puzzled expression" Daxter said.

"Oh man" Torn said and looked at Praxis' body with a puzzled expression.

Another hour later, Ashelin came in.

"Hi Tornyboy. There you are! What are you looking at?" she asked.

"Your father's dead. But his body is still here" Torn said.

"Great t-shirt" Ashelin said, looking at Praxis' body with a puzzled expression.

An hour later Shadow came in wearing a t-shirt saying "Mar has a nice body".

"Listen up! We've got more important stuff to do than just standing here looking at…" suddenly Shadow noticed Praxis' body and looked at it with a puzzled expression, "Curious"

Another hour later Samos came in wearing a t-shirt saying "Praxis has an ugly body" (the two Samoses switched t-shirts)  
"Sorry I'm late, I had to help Artemis Fowl with his homework and comfort Sasuke after he lost his favourite teddy bear, is the body still here?" he asked.

"Sure" Jak said.  
"Cool" Samos replied and smiled at the look of Praxis' body.

Two minus one hour later Keira entered the set wearing a t-shirt saying "greenish yellow hair is so sexy"

"Hello! Aren't anyone going to help me finish my riftrider?" she asked.

"Sorry my love, we were to busy looking at this thing" Jak said.

"Is it dead?" Keira asked and looked at Praxis' body with a puzzled expression.

An hour later… snore… Brutter came in.

"Brutter wonders what everybody is looking at?" he asked.

"Praxis is dead, and his body is still here" Keira said.

"Oh?" Brutter said and looked at Praxis' body with a puzzled expression.

Only half an hour later, Cornelius came in with his trusted bird Tanya.

"I know I don't have a role in this story but… what the heck are you doing?" he asked.

"What's under that bullet? Gasp! A dead man!" Tanya screamed and looked at Praxis' body with a puzzled expression.

"What?" Cornelius said and looked at Praxis' body with a puzzled expression, "Pity it wasn't Erol"

An hour later Onin came in on her Harley Davidson (can you imagine that?) followed by Pecker.

"Onin says: why are you wasting time? You have to defeat the final boss or this game will never be completed! Right old lady?" Pecker said translating Onin's waving.

Onin waved some more while looking at Praxis' body with a puzzled expression.

"What are you saying?" Pecker asked and looked at Praxis' body with a puzzled expression.

One hour later Jinx, the extremely friendly man, came.

"I'm sick and tired of waiting for Dork3 now, what are you morons doing?!" he asked.

"Maybe they're watching something good at TV?" his friend Mog suggested.

"No, it's a dead guy" Jak answered.

And guess what Jinx and Mog did next! They looked at Praxis' body with a puzzled expression.

"This isn't getting me anywhere!" the player said and skipped the cinematic.

**Zakura: well that didn't make any sence**

**Miss.Ecofreak: since when did this story make sence? If any of you have read animorphs 1 you might (or should) notice there's a little (big) resemblence to it at the start of this chapter**

**Zakura: oh, poor Sasuke-kun is crying! I have to help him (runs of to find Sasuke's non-existing teddy bear)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: fine... log in next time for another stupid chapter of Dork2 Recless driving (and the title doesn't make sence, I am aware of that:))**


	40. Final Battle in Dork2 that is

**Miss.Ecofreak: we're back, with the second last chapter in dork2. I apologise to everyone who expected more than 41 chapters but some of them just ended up being quite borring while others were put together to make short chapters longer. Look on the bright side, if I keep this up I might upload Dork3 the day after tomorow**

**Zakura: if your mother/father lets you use the internett five days in a row**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Right... In this chapter Dork2 takes a different turn than Jak2, something should have happened here.. but it didn't. R&R**

**CHAPTER 40**

**THE FINAL BATTLE (IN DORK2 THAT IS)**

Jak and Daxter finally reached the metalheads nest, along with their flut-flut/leprechaun-friend Well…ehm…eh.

"Finally! The precursor stone is mine!" Metal Kor said as they entered his nest.

"I think you're forgetting one thing metalo maniac!" Daxter said, "The stone is in Well's pocket!"

"Not for long! The boy will now play his final part!" Metal Kor said.

Right next to the metal head, the kid was indeed doing his part; he played Romeo in Romeo and Juliet at a large stage.

Unfortunately he wasn't very good, seeing he was a mute.

"That's not right! Can't you do anything?!" The director (who was directing the play) said.

"Well that made sense" Jak said.

"And now you shall die!" Metal Kor said.

"Not yet!" the director yelled,"You haven't told them about the kid yet!"

"Stop meddling in out affairs!" Metal Kor said.

"Just ignore me and do your part right!" the director said, "And what's that leprechaun doing here? There's no leprechaun in the script!"

"What leprechaun?" Well asked.

"That guy is getting on my nerves" Jak said.

"DIE!" Kor yelled.

"That's the spirit!" the director said,"Just… why are you aiming at me?"

He never got an answer, he got shot and died.

"Finally! That annoying person died!" Jak said.

"Yes! And finally I can reveal a secret which will make all Jak and Daxter-fans faint in surprise!" Kor said, "The boy is you Jak"

"Cool" Jak said, not wondering how that four-year old kid could be him who was in his early twenties.

The kid smiled, he did not wonder how he could be standing two places at once because he was just as dumb (or dumber) than his older self.

Suddenly Keira (wearing a shirt saying "the kid is cute") came in on a large lurker balloon along with Samos (wearing a shirt saying "He sure is") and Samos (wearing a shirt saying "Can't agree more")

"Here we are! And we brought a time machine!" Keira said.

"Yes, now let's send little Jak and younger Samos back to Sandover while we stay here and suffer under countless wars" Samos (the older one) said.

"That sounds promising" Keira said when she heard about her dark future.

So little Jak and Shadow sat down in the riftrider.

"I'll take good care of the kid!" he shouted as he left.

"Just make sure he doesn't knock his friend into a hole of dark eco!" Daxter shouted.

"And make sure the crimson guards don't get him when he returns!" Jak shouted.

"And make sure I don't knock my finger with a hammer!" Keira shouted.

Unfortunately, their shouting was pointless.

Little Jak did knock his best friend into a hole of dark eco, making mentioned friend transform into an ottsel just like Daxter (funny huh?), and he was captured by the crimson guards, just like Jak was when he returned.

And Keira did knock her finger with a hammer, more than once.

So from that day on, they all hated Samos for not stopping them from ruining their own lives.

So they all went back to Haven City (Kor too)

"You know what? I've got a feeling we forgot something" Daxter said on the way home.

"Nah, probably nothing of importance" Jak said.

Back in the metal head nest, a green gem was lying on the ground.

"Hello?" a precursor's voice said from inside the stone/egg, "Anybody there?"

Then the baby precursor started crying.

**Miss.Ecofreak: he he. the precursor never came out (giggles)**

**Zakura: what are you going to do in Dork3 when it's supposed to appear?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: we'll see to that problem later, but in the meantime, REVIEW! and if it sucks, tell me, I promise not to cry**

**Zakura: your story sucks**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I won't cry... (starts crying)**

**Zakura: moron. Log on next time for the very last chapter of Dork2!**


	41. That Party At the end

**Miss.Ecofreak: It's here! the very last chapter of Dork2!**

**Jak2-characters: (cheers)**

**Zakura: yes!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and since this is the last chapter I guess it's time to explain where the title "recless driving" came from, it comes from Jak2 renegade, which is what the european version is called, Jak3 is simply Jak3 so I don't think I'll write anyting special.**

**As for Malik Ming' question about how far I've gotten in Dork3, well, only about three chapters... I think. But don't worry, as soon as I get it removed from my own computer upstairs to the family's computer (the only one with internett) I'm sure I'll write more on it.**

**Zakura: can we start now? I can't wait!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: sure, but before you start, I've sneaked in a scene from Jak3 in this chapter, it happens at the start of Jak3 before the game begins so I don't think it can be counted as a spoiler, but just to let you know:), No I want you to sit back an enjoy: That Party At The end! Jihaaa! (shoots in the ground with small toy-guns)**

**Zakura: (coveres her ears)**

**CHAPTER 41**

**THAT PARTY AT THE END**

In the late baron's palace, Ashelin was getting ready for the party at the end of Jak2.

"Your transport is ready my lady" Brutter said.

"Thanks captain moron" Ashelin said before turning to Torn, "Come on, we'll be late for Daxter's rave-party"

Torn was wearing a t-shirt saying "I've got the world's best father-in-law"

"I don't have time. I've got 23445 t-shirts to throw at sea… I mean clean" he said.

"I'm glad you like my shirts but it can wait" Ashelin said.

"Besides I need to rebuild the city" Torn said.

"You still got time" Ashelin said.

The palace fell over (see: intro for Jak3)

"On the other hand" Ashelin, who was trapped under the ruins, "As the new governor of Haven City, I order you to rebuild this ridiculous palace"

Torn was also trapped under the ruins.

"Yes Ma'am, I mean miss… I mean… ehm… Ashelin" Torn said.

Brutter was trapped under the ruins as well.

"Brutter can't feel his arms!" He cried, "No wait, there they are, right next to me"

"That's my arms Brutter" Civilian Guy said.

"Brutter stole the Flea's line!" the Flea (from Mucha Lucha) said… don't ask me what he's doing in the palace ruins.

In the meantime, at the Naughty Ottsel, formerly known as Hip Hog Heaven, the new owner, Daxter, was having a party.

"Welcome to my rave-party! Where we celebrate the fall of the annoying director" Daxter said as the cameraman from Naughty Dog entered.

"Wow! What a great trophy!" Tess said, she was referring to the director's head on the wall.

"That's right! And I defeated a metal head baby!" Daxter bragged.

Everyone was very impressed.

"Who cares about the director? Erol is out of my life! I'm so happy I could sing!" Cornelius said and started singing, "What do I do to make you love me? What do I do to make you smile?" **(This is Elton John's: Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word)**

"You know, for a guy who doesn't appear in this fic you certainly appear a lot in this fic" Jak said.

"It's so sad. So sad. It's a sad sad situation" Cornelius sang.

"Let's also celebrate that we finally got rid of Vin" Samos said.

"Yeah. He was a whining little sissy" Metal Kor said.

"Can you quiet down Cornelius? I'm trying to concentrate!" Keira complained while she was playing Worms 3d on Daxter's ps2.

"Hey! I lost!" Jak said. It might not be surprising that he always lost since he was eating pizza.

Remember he planned to buy a pizza after his adventure already in chapter one.

Suddenly Sig came in the door.

"Oh hi Sig, we thought you were dead. Make yourself at home" Daxter said.

"Why thank you" Sig said, and went home to get his furniture.

"Er… that wasn't exactly what I meant" Daxter said as Sig was moving in to the Naughty Hip Hog earlier known as the Ottsel Heaven.  
"What am I gonna do? What am I gonna doooo? Sorry seems to be the hardest woooooord"

"Oh shut up Cornelius!" Daxter said.

"You've saved the city and more my boy" Samos said to Jak who was still playing worms 3d,"The annoying director won't annoy us any more, and somewhere out there, an ancient race has begun again"

At the metalhead nest, the precursor stone was still lying on the ground.

"No we haven't!" the precursor inside complained, "LET ME OUT OF HERE!"

Back at the Naughty Ottsel, formerly known as the Hip Hog Heaven (or Hop Heg Hiven as Daxter calls it when he's drunk)

"Stop talking big green! I'm trying to throw a holy hand grenade at the worm Keira has called "Erol" just to annoy me" Jak said.

"What do I do when it's all over?"  
"That goes for you too Cornelius John" Jak said (as in Elton John)

"I have a feeling we'll meet Mar someday" Samos said, ignoring Jak's complains.

"Dude, isn't he dead? He's got a tomb doesn't he?" Jak asked.

"Hah! Your little soldier Naruto is sleeping on the sea bed!" Keira said triumphant.

"NOOO!" Jak cried,"All my worms are dead! I lost!"  
"Jak my boy, the future waits" Samos said.

"I don't care. As long as it don't involve me being trapped on the wasteland with Daxter, Pecker, Well and Well's hyperactive cousin I'll live happily ever after. That's it Keira! I want a rematch!"

**Weird ending for a weird text. **

**Daxter: finally! It's over!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: not entirely, we still got Dork3 left**

**All Jak-characters: (faints)**

**Cornelius: (sings) what do I do when lightning strikes me?**

**Zakura: eh… Corny? The fic's over, you can stop singing now**

**Cornelius: but I'm still happy, I still want to sing! (Keeps singing) sorry seems to be the hardest woooooord!**

**Zakura: can you at least sing another song? That one isn't exactly cheerful**

**Cornelius: fine! (Sings) tell me it's not true. Say it's just a story, something on the news (this is another sad song called "Tell me it's not true")**

**Zakura: I give up**

**Miss.Ecofreak: just ignore him. I would like to thank all my readers who read this fic, without you there wouldn't be a reason for me to write. I will also thank everyone who reviewed …**

**Zakura: …Zakura the killer rabbit…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …the team at Naughty Dog…**

**Zakura: …Cornelius for his musical contribution …**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …Sony Computer…**

**Zakura: … fanfiction…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …Dork2…**

**Zakura: …my mom…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …my dog…**

**Zakura: …Daxter…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …everyone who reviewed…**

**Zakura: …you already said that…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …Jak2….**

**Zakura: …Sasuke…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …Sasuke? ...**

**Zakura: …Jak and Daxter…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: … the ottsels…**

**Zakura: …the precursors…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …Daxter's fan club, formerly Sig's fan club…**

**Zakura: …my fan club…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …everyone who reviewed…**

**Zakura: …everyone who didn't review but read it anyway…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …miss.Ecofreak…**

**Zakura: …no one special…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …Jinx…**

**Zakura: …everyone who reviewed…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …and not to mention all my wonderful reviewers, I hope you'll read my next story, Dork3 (as soon as I upload it) and remember to…**

**Zakura and Miss.Ecofreak in unison: REVIEW!**


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